I haven't been posting much lately, mainly because there hasn't been too much to report on my sitch.
Another MC session yesterday that went well. Talked a bit more about the lack of physical contact, and W continues to say that it's still just awkward because it's been so long. MC suggested we start with each doing 1 light touch per day, and greeting each other when we get home. W agreed to it, but then again, MC suggested that at the 2nd session, and still hasn't happened yet.
Anyway, not much else going on. W has been talking about planning a family vacation for next year.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Hi all. Been over a week since my last post. Would love to be able to say that anything has changed or improved, but I can't. Things haven't really gotten worse either I guess, but we remain in this weird sitch.
MC has repeatedly recommended W to start initiating touching, physical contact, flirting, etc. In 3 months, I can count on one hand how many she's actually done. Last session MC gave us 'homework' of each of us intitiating some type of contact every single day. W has done this twice in 10+ days.
This is simply not good enough for me. W still talks a good game, but it's just not happening. I'm really starting to lose patience, and worse, interest. I'm not sure what my next move should be. We've already had this conversation several times, in and out of MC. I realize we both have a ton of stuff going on, especially with Christmas coming. But this seems ridiculous. I may tell her to cancel MC this week. If she's not going to do the 'work', then why continue to pay $40 a week to have the same conversation?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T that's up to you. One thing I constantly tell posters is that DBing is impossible without patience. You simply cannot expect things to go from zero to sixty immediately. So I'd say hold the line. Twice in ten+ days IS improvement from never! Don't miss small steps due to overblown expectations. Rome wasn't built in a day.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
T that's up to you. One thing I constantly tell posters is that DBing is impossible without patience. You simply cannot expect things to go from zero to sixty immediately. So I'd say hold the line. Twice in ten+ days IS improvement from never! Don't miss small steps due to overblown expectations. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Rome took several thousand years to be built. lol. And since it's been over a year since W and I have had sex, I'd say that makes me the most patient man alive.
I get what you're saying though. The holidays are usually pretty good for us, so we'll see what happens
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Patience is a key factor T, as Steve says. Patience and expectation control. Keep pressure outside of the sitch. Still working to get into amoafwl, right?
If no sex is a deal breaker for you and you see no progress, I have no problem with you lovingly communicate to her that this is not working for you. However, if she says she doesn't want have have sex with you, you have to walk and never look back.
My guess since you are on this board that you are not willing to do that just yet.
Also, if she's not doing the HW assigned I would consider canceling the sessions. MC is for two people committed.
If no sex is a deal breaker for you and you see no progress, I have no problem with you lovingly communicate to her that this is not working for you. However, if she says she doesn't want have have sex with you, you have to walk and never look back.
My guess since you are on this board that you are not willing to do that just yet.
Also, if she's not doing the HW assigned I would consider canceling the sessions. MC is for two people committed.
I agree with LH. However, one caveat on the last one. If you are seeing small improvements (twice in 10 days) then more patience. Again you have to drop expectations. And you have to let the process work. If she had continued to do it zero times then I'd say take LH's advice. Maybe next time will be 4 times in 10 days.
Also, do not overestimate the power of unspoken pressure on her. She has to do the HW ORGANICALLY, not because you are "keeping tabs". If you can count the number of times and the number of days do not think she isn't feeling that. Let go of expectations. Stop keeping score. And you might be surprised.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It does like you want this to happen quickly. I understand that. Everyone is tired in living in a less than perfect relationship. We are all thirsting for some meaningful and loving interactions, but realize that you can't force it.
Human nature is working against you. Think how bad you wanted this, and now that you have it, it's not good enough. Those are emotions, reign them in and think for a second.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You guys are right. The problem is, with each passing day of being 'patient', my resentments of her are growing. I don't know if resentment is even the right word. Maybe it's just impatience.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
