Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage pt2

[SoTorn]

Sandi,

I feel like I might have overlooked something here. Can you point out what you see that makes ST have NGS? You mentioned he should read the book. Perhaps I have misjudged him, but I see him as the opposite of this and even think at times his boundaries with W are too firm, he comes across as controlling, and misses opportunities to listen and validate. Maybe I don't fully understand the NG concept like I thought I did. I may need to revisit the book myself!

I just went back and started reading ovrrnbw's threads and his writings scream NG to me. I'm only on thread two and he is starting to get it, but he has had poor boundaries and allowed his WW to have long conversations with him, cry to him, demand hugs and sympathy, and literally push him out of bed, etc. I haven't finshed reading his stuff, but I hope he read the book! (Ovr, if you haven't, order it today!)

Perhaps we have been too harsh on ST, but I do not see the proper steps to detachment and I see his explanations of his DBing as more trying to control her than to genuinely detach for himself. He seems to write about how he is DBing (perhaps looking for validation from readers) verses looking for ways to improve his interactions. It's still puzzling to me that several of us are bringing this up and he glosses over it.

ST, I'm still unclear what you hope to gain by posting here? Can you be more specific maybe?

Blu

I just want to clarify that I was not trying to control her. I was very confused on boundaries honestly. I had to take a step back and realize that boundaries are for me. Not for her. I can't control her.

I have taken the stance that I will not allow myself to be emotionally abused. The only way I can do that with IHS is to completely detach myself, which I have done for the most part over the last couple of weeks.