Determined now as I move forward..

[Dtrmned]

Updating.
Been a couple of days. Mostly quiet but some interesting happenings.

My daughter is back home and safe! Very happy about that and we all (my son, daughter and I) had a good night of Christmas music, decorating and fun. VERY happy Daddy right here on that!

On the W front. Nothing has really changed. I am more humored now than before about her techniques. Everytime I bring up something that needs to be done (usually financial) she states that I "must be upset about something and am taking it out on her". I listen, validate, but she wants nothing to do with that. I have done this before, but made the mistake of saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, it was not my intention to come off that way" to which she replies "that is the worst statement you can ever say. It is like you are just dismissing my feelings entirely". I paused and simply said that I didn't know how else to say that I heard her, understand what she said her feelings were, and that I had zero animosity or reason to antagonize. I was simply asking a question (albeit financial and thus her reason for avoidance). The anniversary of when we got together (first date) came and went this week. Rough day for me, but I did not reach out except for texts about our daughter. I did hear from my daughter that my W actually mentioned it to her and that she had a hard day that day. Not reading too much into it, but there must be some feelings left because if there weren't, it would not have even bothered her. More financial issues had to be discussed yesterday and she got a little upset. Then later we met (regarding our daughter again) and she said that her day had drastically improved. I don't know if she was playing it or being real since at that time she looked horrible. It was weird yesterday for me. This is probably the first true time that I have seen her differently through my eyes. It didn't have to do with the way she looked, even though it was bad, but it had to do with the way my mind was interpreting who she was, how she looked and how I felt about her. I will always love and care about her. Yesterday, I felt for the first time that I was just looking at the mother of my children and not my wife. In the past, I was always looking at her through the "she is my wife" goggles. 20+ years of love, partnership, children, challenges, fun, success, vacations, just life! But yesterday it was WAY different. I didn't even realize it until 20 minutes into the meeting. She's always had them because everyone does, but I never noticed her flaws. They were just jumping out at me. Her weight loss is staggering and medically not healthy. Looking at her face, hair, hands and nails all of which were not done, poorly done or just looking ragged and tired. I also didn't feel the need to rescue her in any way. I just felt sorry for her. The conversation was just not us, but other people were in the room. She forgot and left out important details that I had to fill in for her so they got the full information needed. I don't know if she forgot or intended to leave them out.

She is beginning to drop the ball on a lot of things. Some require me to pick them up, point them out, or whatever. The one's that don't concern me I don't worry about or pursue.

Busy day today. Work, meetings, lunch with my daughter, then get my son and head home to do a little more decorating, dinner and hopefully a family movie tonight! They go back to their Mom's tomorrow and I already miss them terribly. Our house is a home when they are there and I enjoy them so much!