Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Twofeet]

R2C,

D8 said it felt kind of like heartbreak. That is the term she uses to describe her feelings when W broke the news. There was a lot of hyperventilating, panic, tears when the news was broken. I posted about it a while back if you want to go read about it for a refresher. Worst day of my life.

W and I used to be able to talk about anything. Nothing was off the table. Post-BD communication has become so precarious. It is usually me listening, validating, then when appropriate I try communicate back to what feels like mostly deaf ears. Deaf ears due to what I perceive to be pain, anger, guilt, shame, who knows.

Everyone says its supposed to get better, but it sure doesn't seem that way. Since she S it has calmed a bit, but not gotten better, nor worse. Is this the new normal? Nurturing children and waiting for the next blow from W or having to communicate with W about kids/finances while trying to manage her slight edge of hostility? Good grief, put a fork in me.