The approach you had before this was the best approach.
But seriously, you beat yourself up so hard and it was your W who had the bad behavior. Her behavior is actually disgusting and I see her as the only one who is blowing chances of reconciling! That wouldn't even be in my thoughts until she is extremely remorseful and shows an ounce of respect towards you. Her behavior is appalling. There is an affair, then there is rubbing it in your face, teasing you, keeping you on the hook...... sorry, but your sitch is probably the most blatant form if disrespect I've seen in the 10 years I have been on here.
You seem like a wonderful father and a stand up guy, Treat yourself as such.
