13 years and 2 kids pt. 3.

[Hurt213]

thank you all, for your honesty, that is what I asked for and that is what I received.

Today has been a great day. I somehow, and it might sound stupid to you, but I feel a sense of big relief, that I said these things. Allright, maybe I sealed my fate with the MR, but yes, do I want the MR? Not now, not in this state. So yes, I have been reacting to her, I am no longer going to do that. I will enforce the boundaries of leaving when she speaks of OM and tell her that I find it disrespecting, other than that, I will let her live her own life, make her own mistakes, and thats it. I want to detach, and I can only do that by putting M E first together with my kids.

So I thought it up on my way to the gym; yesterday was my old life, my new life began this morning with a new year (birthday and all), and I am going to make the absolute best of it for me and the kids.

I will journal on my efforts, and I will journal on my failures. I feel though, that I know what she triggered me with after having tempt-checked me hard, and I am ready to face the challenges now.

And B, you are right... I absolutely don't want her back in this state, I realized this more than anything this morning. I think this is what I needed in order to let go. I think I am holding on to the memory of us and the kids and happy ever after. I need to let go, and she needs to be the one that comes and "wins me", if that ever is in the cards, who knows. If not, so be it.

I feel relieved, onwards to the stars !