13 years and 2 kids pt. 3.

[Hurt213]

Old thread: Old thread


So.. Yesterday was the epitome of bad DB behaviour no doubt. However, a new day has dawned on me, and I am ready to pick up, because I believe everything happens for a reason, also yesterdays events.

This morning, WW was approaching, and I acted content, relaxed, and validated and answered her questions regarding the kids, and there didn't seem to be anything in the "air" regarding last nights events. Im sure I did a lot of damage, but I can't undo yesterday, I can only work on today. She tried to trigger me again this morning, she suddenly showed me a picture, and it was her passport photo, she would only do that to remind me, that she is going traveling with OM. I just said, "are you satisfied?" she said she thought she looked funny, to which I replied "pictures don't lie", then she laughed.

So honest opinion from some of you awesome people: Did I completely and utterly screw any chances of ever R'ing? Just be brutal honest, its the only thing that is useful, I can take it .

And then: My approach from here, to summ up the best course of action for me going on from here? I slept on the whole thing, and I failed to mention yesterday (and that clearly was the trigger for my text, and why I engaged in a conversation) She informed me, that she would go and sleep at OMs place tonight, and she said that to me on my birthday. I know that was also a tempt-check, however that is why the avalanche exploded on me I think. I just felt so betrayed and hurt, its my birthday, and you mention him.....

Anyways back to best plan of action now since the situation most likely changed, I can see that you guys seem to think so, and you must know best, im a newbie, so I trust everything you put my way, and try to make good use of it (and fail as you see from time to time).

1. How do I act in the house, when she, her and I are home with the kids - Im talking about, do I sit down and make family activities with kids and WW, do I engage talk or just listen to her? Do i act content, cheerful or do I show her, that I am not interested?

2. If her and I are home alone, do I still retreat to the MBR and deny her any time with me? (if I don't have plans, or don't have the energy to go out).

3. I know I have some 180s to work on, and I know the 180s are for making me a better person, and that the change is not about WW, but a personal development journey for bettering me and thus making me feel better. I think I am good here, meaning I have some goals I am working on, and I know that I have some work to do.

4. GAL, Tomorrow I "hand over" (that sounds so wrong!) my kids to her for the next week, and even though it is an IHS, she still is in charge, and I can do whatever in the evenings. I am planning on doing a lot of out of the house activities, since I think after my failure yesterday, that she and I really need some time apart to digest / forget what happened.

5. Detach. I think of her as a nanny, a neighbor, a cashier, someone whom I want to smile at, but not someone im personally involved with. I am not yet there, clearly. However I know now, how she triggered me yesterday, and I think I was detaching in a good way prior to that meltdown, since she had begun texting me vividly, sending me that "im so sorry but its not entirely my fault bla bla bla mail" and the sudden interest in the family. It showed me, that she bad begun to question her plan as me being her plan B? Maybe im wrong about this. Anyways, I have some work to do before I get to there.

I don't know if I let something out ?

If you would please guide me back on the right path, I promise I will put in the work, I feel like, there is a shot at R, but it starts with us detaching, finding ourselves, I even think we need this house sold, she needs to experience the complete and utter failure of the relationship she bet on, and burned her family for. and then maybe one day, when that happens, she will reach out, but I won't be waiting for it, maybe im long gone by that time - I still stand by my earlier mention that, it would be really nice to have her around, but its not a necessity any longer. That didn't change in yesterdays events. Yesterday was more about me being triggered by her disrespect.

She knows, that family things ( new years eve, christmas and so on are off the table, and gifts are no longer exchanged between us, but we buy to each other from the kids for their sake), she knows I don't go into the MBR to hide, but to not be around her, as she forfeited the opportunity to do things with me. Now I need to become a mystery again after having folded my Royal Flush..... I need your help to do that.

Thank you all so much.