Been a few days. Been working out late at work and spending a little time with the kids when I get home. Lost 65 pounds so far, still have 100 to go. keto diet, fast, eat lean. W has been making break and bake cookies with the little one and I swear they leave them out for me to eat... so hard over the holidays.
The last week, I've spent more time teaching my children. I thought about your words and what type of man I want to be, what I want to show my children. I re-evaluated what I was doing and saying in front of my boys, what I was showing. I thought about what I was letting them get away with and the reasons why.
I've been thinking about what people have said in my shoes, we have learned this great lesson as if it happened overnight, we are worthy to get back to our W/H if only they would want us. Or maybe we got snapped back to our old selves. I'm seeing others like myself who are questioning if the spouse is worth going back to or wondering if we should continue to wait. We're tired, we're beat, we're mistreated, we're hurt and definitely not detached, but we're moving in the right direction... we are re-calibrating ourselves, our self worth, our image with/without them. 4 months from BD seems like a long time to me, but I am just beginning to learn to love myself more and more and more. I have two wonderful boys who will need their dad to teach them and guide them and to make respectable men out of them.
I read someone daring us not to make our posts about our failing marriage or our WAS, but to make our posts about us, our process in healing, our journey. I want to accept that challenge. I still feel hurt by WW, I'm still human, I'm not ignoring or running away, but I am finding the courage to face it head on, to look it in the eye and not back down, to stand.
burned, I didn't forget about that activity on standing and posting it here.
As for updates, going to sleep before 10-10:30pm if I can help it. Been sleeping at 12-1 and waking up 5:30. Still working out at least 4 times a week. This weekend will try a Filipino restaurant with a work bud who works out with me. I am teaching my 10yo about his time management, he watches his ipad in the morning while getting rdy. I am re-enforcing no ipad until he's done getting rdy in the morning so he can use it as an incentive to hurry For 6yo, he eats every hour. He will take a bath and want to eat something at 9pm, which is too late. Stopping that. Stopped that today, Told him to eat bigger dinner so he wont be hungry later. He did and its worked. These are small things that I addressed because it was going on for too long already. Nothing major, nothing exciting. Just parenting stuff with almost zero attention on the MR.
Overall, in a better place. I think it's because I am still early in my story. It would benefit me greatly if I GAL'ed. I didn't work out today, came home to help the little one with his homework, his bath time and spent a little time with them. Helped older one with his homework too. W talked about presents for friends' kids, she bought them all already and I told her thank you, how about if I split the cost with you, she said that was fine.
I'm sleeping well, sore from working out, I am feeling SO much better at work. I am 1 guy in department of 25 women, I am default alpha male, but it also tends to my NGS. I try to stay buried in my work. Been really happy with the results of blocking the noise.
Welp, times up. time to sleep.
Was thinking about changing subject to : HOW TO FALL BACK IN LOVE (with self)
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
