...we both got clean bills of health last year....
Perfect. I would still be very careful. Who knows what could have happened in a year.
I believe you are on the right path. I would strongly suggest some 180's when you choose to be intimate. Do some research and learn some new "skills". For example, If you were not assertive, learn to be.
That’s so true. However, I just had another full check up recently and I’m good. We’ve been intimate since last year. But I do agree with you.
When you say do a 180 when being intimate can you elaborate? I don’t think I was totally assertive before. To be honest with you, last year before my H EA I withheld sex A LOT. It wasn’t abnormal for us to go a couple of months without having sex. This went on for about 4 years. Sex wasn’t as spaced out at first but it started to get worse as time went on. I’m ashamed to admit that but I’m just being honest. Then when we did do the deed, I pretty much just wanted it over as quick as possible. I’m sure he felt that. I’m also sure (because he told me) that he wondered if I was attracted to him. He also wondered for the longest if I was having an affair on him. He wondered if he was doing it for me.
So when he did have an EA last year, I didn’t excuse it or blame myself for him choosing to cheat. It was a choice he made. However, I was able to take responsibility for taking for granted that my H would never cheat on me. For me sex became a chore and I would make any excuse in the book to not have sex with him. My head hurts, I don’t feel well, you name it. If the shoe were on the other foot and he didn’t want to have sex with me, I would have felt the same way he did.
That said, tteee were things that he too could have done to help me be more in the mood. We’ve talked about this so he definitely knows this. I know this is TMI but my husband is a pleaser in the bedroom. So when I would shut him out, I’m sure it messed with his confidence.
So back to my question (sorry I just wanted to give a little back story) can you be more specific about how I can do a 180 when being intimate. Also what would I research? Thank you so much for your help!
Hi Living,
One of the funniest things about sex is that it is subject to the Law of Diminishing Returns. Meaning that the more times we have sex with one person, the less exciting it gets. It's all in your head. If you could look back clearly and logically, you'd be able to see that you also acted differently in the beginning. At this point your probably thinking, "Well, duh". But this is one of those things that is simple, but not easy. So the 180 while being intimate is primarily going to take effort with maybe a little bit of technique learning or openness to trying new things.
Maybe this was dumbest post ever but I hope not
Not a dumb post at all and I get it. You make perfect sense! Thank you so much!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
