So, am I still trying to save the M. Maybe. But he has a lot of work to do. But R is now not my primary focus, healing is. I cannot heal if he continues to berate me whenever it suits him. He seems to be happy to play happy families as long as things are going his way. As soon as he gets stressed, then he turns. And I will not be his whipping boy anymore.
I think this is excellent insight. Even though most of us here want do not want a divorce, we have to heal and become whole, healthy individuals before we can become good partners - to anyone, be it our spouses in R or with someone else in the future. The same applies to our WAS, and they are the ones that don't seem to seek the tools to become healthy, happy individuals. Good for you for recognizing the destructive pattern and fighting against it!
