So back to my question can you be more specific about how I can do a 180 when being intimate. Also what would I research? Thank you so much for your help!
Living, can I suggest checking out Emily Nagoski? She is a sex educator and author. She has some Youtube Ted talks as well as a very well reviewed book "Come As You Are". I haven't read it yet, but from what I have read of hers she really opens the dialogue for you to consider what you want/don't want in the bedroom.
Her premise is "turning on the 'ons' and turning off the 'offs'".
