13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Deja,

Thanks a lot.. The thing is, I was on a reaaaaaal good detachment path. I slipped today, but I will pick it up, right there. Because, I know now, how vulnerable I am, and how necessary it is for me to keep a hold of my core values, and stick by them. Cause then, and only then, can I keep myself on that great path I was on. The path that made WW question herself, her belief and the path that made me not care about her and her beliefs. I want to go back to that place, and I will, and it all begins now.

I said what I needed to say, with zero expectations, it was more to explain how I let my self down, and in that process I also let her down (even if that sounds dumb). the only thing I expect from this point, is to get back to the Hurt I was this morning, and the Hurt I have been lately. The person who doesn't allow her family time.. The person who doesn't allow her alone time with me.. The Hurt who goes out and sees new things, new angles and finds joy in that... The Hurt that will be indifferent to her opinions and the way she acts and talks around me, I will validate, listen and back the fk off. The Hurt that has 180'ed on so many bad behavioral patterns, and the Hurt who is enjoying alot of new GAL activities. The Hurt that accepts that she will be going to OM regardless of what I do or say, and therefore I might as well just let it go (fake it till I make it).. The Hurt that knows that the house is selling, and that my new reality soon will be in a new home, with my kids on a schedule, and not just in the next room, where I can go and kiss them whenever I want to.. That Hurt.. that is the guy I am going to pursue to be, and it starts NOW.

The picture that Steve painted of being WW as a Nanny, whom you have no personal emotional relationship with, is the picture I will put "over" her... That will be a great help when I decide how to deal with interactions with her. It will definitely help distancing myself.