Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

Yeah, R2C has a good point......as long as your H isn't just cake eating. At this point if he were to go sleep with someone else then you would know for sure that he is not back to the MR fully committed. I'd be very careful about giving him what he is after.

Steve85 it’s hard to say with absolute certainty that he isn’t cake eating. I agree that if he were to go sleep with someone else then I would know he’s not fully committed. I would also know that it’s time for me to pull the plug. However, he’s not sleeping with anyone else. At this point he’s only pursuing me. I keep turning him away because of the detaching thing.

As far as being careful giving him what he’s after, I agree to a certain point. However, I also agree with R2C I want him wanting and thinking about only me.

I’m tired of being the one working on the marriage solo. Upthread I said I’m done trying to save my marriage. It sort of feels like doing this makes me contradict myself. However, I do love my H and never wanted our marriage to end. I am human so I think the fact that my husband can’t seem to quit me, gives me hope.

BUT I do enjoy working on myself. I’m enjoying making myself look and feel good. I’ll admit that I’m also enjoying the fact that he is noticing it. I have no current guarantee about what’s going to happen in my marriage. However, I can at least improve myself (which is actually a good thing), GAL, and stay true to my vows. That way if we do end up divorcing, I can walk away feeling like I did all that I could. I’m proud of myself for the improvements I am making.

My point is that WASs are fickle beings. And I am afraid that if you sleep with him he'll immediately retreat back into his "This marriage is over, I want out" stance. I've seen a million times if I've seen it once. WAHs in particular will manipulate the LBW to get their physical needs met, but it MEANS NOTHING TO THE MR. So the advice here is the same we would give to any LBS:

DO NOT INITIATE SEX. If he initiates you can participate but do not assign any significance or meaning to it. If you sleep with him do not be surprised if the next day, or week, or month he says "I still want out of this marriage." The mistake isn't in having sex...the mistake is in thinking it means the MR is back on track.

Thank you Steve85 that all makes lots of sense and I absolutely agree with you. We will see how things go. If he initiates sex, I may participate. However, I won’t participate each time he initiates it. He needs to miss me and he doesn’t need to get it each time he wants it.

I think I’ve got a good game plan on how to handle my sitch going forward. Of course it’s all subject to change because who knows what will happen with my MLC ridden H.

However, going forward my plan is to continue to GAL. As I’ve stated I’ve started making improvements in my life. I’m enjoying the improvements that I’m making. Truth is I wasn’t squeaky clean in my marriage. There were lots of ways that I took my H for granted. I’m woman enough to admit that. So I’m working on me because I can only control me. In the end of my marriage works out or not I want to be a better person.

I’m going to continue to be somewhat of a mystery. He doesn’t need to know my every move. Let him wonder what is going on with me. That keeps him intrigued.

I’m going to continue to be kind and happy. I agree with the others that said show your spouse a happy person. I also got that from the DR book. I’m going to be the best person that I can be. I won’t break my vows or cheat on my H. That’s not in my character to do. He says he’s unhappy, I’m going to be the opposite.

I’m going to continue to work and continue to fix up this house like we planned on doing. I’m going to create a beautiful home. That will keep both he and I busy. I have the vision and he executes the work.

I’m going to continue getting healthy and fit. I’ve joined weight watchers and have already lost 10 pounds in a month. I still have a ways to go but I already feel better about myself.

If he initiates sex, sometimes I’ll given in and other times I’ll be so seductive that I’ll make him crave me but not give in. I want him to crave and want only me. I want to be mysterious like I was when we first met. I want to bring back some of the qualities he was attracted to when we first met.

My hope is that my change will motivate him to change. However, if not, at least I changed for the better. And if my husband doesn’t appreciate my self-improvement then perhaps another man will have the opportunity to.