Is love worth the pain? Back to Basics

[Did]

So she has D4 this morning and facetimed me, we usually dont talk to each other much. Or at least arent in the screen might throw something in there like make sure you bring extra cold clothes or bathing suit for her swim lesson etc.

Yea I F'd up in MC big time. After that is when I reiterated I would listen to you all more. I talked about the trauma of the last 1.5 years. I took responsibility for starting this spiral but tried to say you've been through so much trauma anyone would be affected. Talked about us getting healthier and seeing where we were at that point. I should of listened to you and DB just let her talk and validated. It got worse for sure and she was extremely angry and defensive.

Detaching is really what I want to let go. When I dont focus on her things get better.

Friday I had this flushed heat reaction thing when I saw her getting all dolled up for D4's program at school. It was this awful anxious feeling. So no I am not detached at all.

In regard to abuse she says it was emotional abuse and a long term thing. Whether I agree or not thats her truth. I don't disagree I just believe it was me being emotionally unintelligent and battling my own unhealthy patterns leading to depression and emotionally being up and down. She was tired of me being down and called me a dark cloud. I didn't yell at her or call her names but I wasn't able to connect and be intimate the way I wish I could have. I do have more of these skills now. She also saw those skills when we reconnected two months ago. Anyway, she gave and gave until she had no more to give and I didnt give enough back. I worked and built businesses and supported us. I'd do almost anything to change that but obviously its the past and outside my control.

So just dropping the rope detaching and letting go... whats meant to be will be. Probably divorce but trying to do LRT. Thanks