13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Update:

So my birthday is coming to an end, and yea, I didn't do great. Thank you for the motivation, thank you for the help, but I have only myself to blame, and I acknowledge this 100%. I could just stay silent, but I need to get it out, i need to embarrass myself and tell how I did screw up horrible, and fold my hand. I know I set my self back to the start, and maybe I doomed all chances of ever R'ing but thats it. I can't undo what I did. Here goes:

So basically I didn't fall for her shenanigans this morning ,however she knew, that we were going to a mall after the brokers had been to the house. So I take the kids to daycare, and have the meeting with the brokers, while she is at the hospital. After the brokers are done, I go to the daycare to pick up the kids. I then screwed up. I texted her (yes im a tool, i get it.....).. and told her, that she could join us at the mall if she wanted to - (for fks sake, hurt.. you leave her the fk alone, you don't engage, you don't invite, you don't entertain).... she wanted to come... I then realized that it was wrong of me, and said, that I was sorry, but I had gone soft, and that was not in either of ours best interest. I said, that she had chosen to be with someone else, and I couldn't move on with my life, if we kept on doing family oriented stuff - she said that she respected that.... So back to story.. I come home from the daycare, to find her in the house... She then asks if she can come, and the idiot that I am says yes.. So we had couple of hours at the mall, and guess what... the mood was "stressed", not fun, not light but just meh.... (hurt, you dumb ass).

So we arrive back home, and she has a meeting (she was getting a new passport so she an OM can go travel)... I then took my balls back, realized that I [censored] up beyond saving, and said that we would be back home for when the kids were going to sleep. We went to my sisters and had cake and fun. We then went to my mom and dads and had dinner. And now, im in the couch, feeling like an idiot sandwich, and I am... I know what im supposed to do, and I will do that from now on, but I slipped majorly. Sorry.

She was on my pc (she is allowed, its only work related and I don't use it for journaling or other personal things). And I c ould see in the history log, how she had been searching and getting written up for a lot of apartments today. And then she informed me, that tomorrow evening, she will be going to OMs house until friday. Geez...... She now wants to spend the remainder of my birthday watching a movie... Yea fk that, I am going to MBR as soon as she is done tugging in my kids.

I feel like I really let you all down... I need to start over. She just cake-ate today, and this entire weeks testing was [censored] up by this one incident.. I feel like a real moron.