Uncertain of What I Have

[burned]

I always kinda wondered with her if it is one of those Shakespearean ‘thou doth protest too much’ things when she would talk about cheating and what we would / should do to each other.

Throughout our M, W and I would say things like that. "If you ever cheat, you're out." Or, "If I ever cheated, I would just leave, you wouldn't have to keep me." Stuff like that, can't remember. At the time it always felt like a sort of reassurance, like, "Isn't that crazy! Thank goodness that will never happen. ILY." Hindsight always provides a new way of looking at things. Does that kind of thing reflect some underlying fear or lack of commitment, or some aspect of their/our character that made A a more likely outcome? Food for thought. And yes, what I should have done back in April was to follow-through with that promise and let her leave like she said she would. Where would we be now? Who knows. But I definitely didn't "keep my promise" in that sense. I mean, neither did she keep the promise she made when we got married, so...