Uncertain of What I Have

[SteveLW]

Bo, which of the following would drive her away faster:

- The goodnight you gave her last night where you leaned in to kiss her arm.
or
- Just getting up, saying goodnight, and heading off to bed.

In a healthy, normal relationship, obviously the second would be behavior that would push a W away. However, once you are dealing with a WAW....now the above is flipped on its head. And what feels counter-intuitive actually is less driving away than what you normally should do.

Have you ever soured on a friend? Maybe you were close with someone but they did or said something that made you want to stay away from them from then on? And then they felt the distance so they started pushing themselves on you? Maybe calling and texting all the time? Maybe showing up to places they knew you'd be? Did their behavior fix the issue or did make you want to run for the hills even faster?!? More than likely it sent you into even more of an avoidance behavior.

However, in that same situation if the friend gave you time and distance, eventually you might forgive them for the thing they did or said, and you'd be open, as long as they weren't forcing themselves on you, to being friends again. That is the situation with your W. She wants time and space. Give it to her. GAL, 180ing, and loving detachment have a way of making WAWs become interested in again because there is no pressure. You are behaving in an unexpected way.

Read the distance and pursuit thread. All of us come here thinking DBing will drive a wedge between us and our WAS. When in truth the opposite is usually what occurs!