Yes, the candles were for D4 and nothing romantic. It's honestly nice of her to try to let D4 have a tradition with me. But Im supposed to be going dark, right? Thats what I thought when I said no thanks. Im unsure if I should do what I feel is right because that goes against the idea of DBing.
You can’t well and truly go dark when you have a kid together. There’s got to be a certain level of interaction. You can go “dim” which basically means to limit contact to things to do with your kid and avoid your W otherwise. Keep in mind that going dim/ dark is not a technique to bring your W back, a lot of people misunderstand that point. It is strictly to help people detach when they are otherwise struggling with that.
Originally Posted by Did
I guess if its for D4 do it if I'm able... even if it makes me more available? Like facetiming in the morning etc... And treat W like a friendly neighbor... dont pursue or reach out to her at all.
I’m not sure what your visitation schedule is, if you see D every few days then the Facetiming may not be necessary. If you see her every other week then you probably want to FT once or twice on your “off weeks”. If that’s the case, then set up a schedule with your W for days and times you will FT with D (and do the same for her FT’ing D on your weeks) and try and stick to the schedule. No chit chat with W during FT. Make sure you’re not FT’ing D as an excuse to interact with W.
Originally Posted by Did
I'm wondering what I say if she asks about mediation / divorce - when do you want to do it etc. Just say you can do it when you're ready?
Yeah, leave that in her court. Don’t do anything to help, but don’t do anything to block it either. If she asks you then just tell her whenever she has the papers ready to let you know and you will review them.
Originally Posted by Did
in MC she got angry denied inviting me over to rub her neck, literally said it never happened when the MC said she sends mixed signals... I found the text from 11/17 which said will you bring advil and come rub my neck....
Why did you bring this up in MC?? Just LISTEN and VALIDATE. You shouldn’t be going to MC at all but if you go then let it be all about W. Also do not dig up texts or whatever to prove her wrong. That is not going to help your case any, it’ll just make her angry and resentful. Just let go of that kind of stuff. Even in a happy R you have to let go of stuff like that, you know the old saying “would you rather be right or happily married?” You don’t get it both ways.
Originally Posted by Did
After MC she said that she knows how unhealthy her decisions have been and thats the result of abuse.
Does she mean abuse from you or the abuse from her childhood? If from you, what is she referring to?
