A familiar story with questions EIGHT

[RR17]

Do I sit and be patient, do I start putting my foot down regarding future expectations, or is there something completely different that I should explore?

I don't usually interject when sandi is involved because she is far more advance on this stuff than I am. But I really think that you are in a much better place than you think. I think your only problem is when you stop DBing.

Trying for sex and getting shot down? Then getting upset about it? That is newbie level,and RR you are far above newbie level. One of the top rules of DBing is DO NOT INITIATE SEX. It is similar to saying ILY. After BD newbies start saying ILY like a madman. All that does is remind the WAW that she DOESN'T love her H. Same with initiating sex. All that did was remind her that she isn't attract to you like that right now.

I am going to channel sandi here: Lack of attraction is rooted in a lack of respect. So instead of worrying about how to get attraction back, you have to learn how to get your respect back. And just because she is acting respectful doesn't mean she respects you! Are you respectful to the cashier at the store? Would you say you have a great deal of respect for that cashier? See the difference.

RR, if I were you, I'd double-down on the DBing. GAL like a madman. Make her see that you have a rich life outside of the MR. Continue your 180s, cement them to the point where she learns to trust them. And continue to detach. You know how I know you still aren't detached? Getting shot down for sex and reacting badly. A detached H gets shot down for sex and acts as if nothing ever happened.

RR you've got this. Keep DBing. You've seen positive results so far, don't give up now!

Thanks, Steve. I don't know where you find the time to go through all these sitchs. When you say that I am in a better place than I think, I have to wonder what kind of place do I portray that I am in?

Now I get it about initiating sex. We even talked about it before I took a chance. If it was successful I would have done the right thing. Hind sights 20/20.
As for detaching. I get what you're saying, but you have to understand when actions, words, and attitudes, aline we let that wall down a bit. I will also add that it has been several months since the last time I initiated. W's actions led me to believe the time was right. In fact, I convinced myself that she wanted me to do it. I got shot down.

As for the doubling down? I don't know what that looks like. If I Get Any more of a separate Life, I will be single. I don't talk about all my extracurriculars because I feel a little bit guilty. I volunteer twice a week. Monday night Bible study. I have social events with and without W, Golf. I don't know what else to do.

I am going to channel sandi here: Lack of attraction is rooted in a lack of respect. So instead of worrying about how to get attraction back, you have to learn how to get your respect back. And just because she is acting respectful doesn't mean she respects you! Are you respectful to the cashier at the store? Would you say you have a great deal of respect for that cashier? See the difference.

Oh, I get it. But what does this look like? How does one restore the respect other than the other DB techniques?