Not struggling quite as much

[Jim1234]

It’s true Jim there is one hurdle after another it does seem to come in waves. I remember early on processing her moving out, then processing her dating, then processing our first holiday not as a family, then processing her selling the engagement ring, then processing separating our finances, then processing meeting with the L, then processing standing in front of the judge, then her telling me she has a BF....etc. I will say though as you get more detached each domino falling becomes easier. Outside of BD the hardest one for me to accept and process was my daughters meeting her BF. They never talk about him but that was a real hard one to accept.

My X also wanted to be friendly with me.....she didn’t tell me about her BF until after I helped her move from her apt into her condo. That was a kick in the nuts. I did tell after I moved her in that I was done being her maintenance man, etc. which was hard to do at first but after I communicated that to her I did feel a sense of relief.

My w ended up using her portion of our home equity and taking out half of her 401k proceeds through the QDRO to use a down payment and get herself set up. Oh and to buy new boobs as well

I also think it is fairly common for alimony to not be paid if they get married or live with another person. I have a friend who is D and that is in his decree for his XW as well.

FWIW I think you have done a great job and have lovingly detached in an appropriate way. Hang in there!!!!

Thanks. I haven't been through the boyfriend issue yet. I can't really imagine that at this point. Hope I never have to, but I suspect it will become a thing at some point. That was pretty ballsy of your ex to get you to help move and then tell you about the BF. I feel good about having told her I can't be her friend, and arrange her appointments. Like you said, a sense of relief.

Still waiting on her decision as to how she's going to get my name off her house. Last Wednesday, she said she'd have an answer for me in 24 hours, but here we are, almost a week later. I texted this morning and asked "what's up with the QDRO? I'd really like to get this done." She promised she'd address it with her lawyer and get back to me....

BTW she accepted that she won't get alimony if she moves in or remarries, so we're in complete agreement; she just needs to tell me what she wants to do with the QDRO so we can get the wording into the Separation Agreement.