Thanks, Ovr. Honestly, I am doing quite well. My family and friends are seeing the new and improved FF, and I have finally gotten my confidence and self-esteem back.
Regarding the pastor, I had actually met with the one that married us. This was probably 6 months ago. I asked for his help and because of some unqiue dynamics that I can't get into, he decided to do nothing. I then decided to join a different church, as his leadership was weak.
The thing is, even if I got the pastor where she is involved, I can guarantee you she would not meet with him. She is actually not even going to that church anymore, which makes sense as she is avoiding it (conflict avoidance again).
I feel comfortable knowing that I tried everything in my power to save our marriage, but as another counselor that I met with up in her state for joint counseling said, she never joined the dance. She was looking for small little things she could use to get out of the marriage so she could be back with her family. There is a lot of unhealth in her family relationships, and I honestly think there is something in my wife's past that she and her family are hiding (potentially abuse).
Back to the pastor, even if he agreed to meet (he wouldn't because he is close with their family), and she agreed to meet (she wouldn't), I can't imagine it would change anything. Like Steve mentioned in prior posts, if anything, it would cause her to become even more angry and resentful. I have to ask myself, is doing this going to allow her to trust me more? The answer is obviously no. I am letting her go. If she wants to talk later on, I would be open to it, but I am going to move on and live my life. Not planning on dating right now, but if something happens organically, I will not be opposed to it. The way I see it, if I can't live alone by myself and have to have a relationship to feel joy and to feel valued, that's extremely codependent, which I have never been.
I know I'll be fine. To be honest, after hanging out with other married couples from my new church, I can see how dysfunctional my wife was when it comes to open and honest communication. This whole group openly talks about their daily struggles. My wife never opened up, as I think her Dad brainwashed her to hide her shortcomings and sins. Not the way it should be in marriage.
