Our attorneys are editting a small part of the paperwork that had to do more with jurisdiction, so I expect to have the revised papers in the next day or two. I have made the decision to go ahead and sign. I am hoping this is pushed through the court system quickly, as I would love to have a clean slate at the beginning of 2019. Overall, I am doing dang good. Still miss my wife from time to time, but that is mostly because I imagine the W I knew before BD, not the person that exists currently.
Haven't talked with her in nearly 3 months, and given the conflict avoidance with her and her familty, I don't expect to hear anything, potentially ever. To the guys and gals still struggling with detaching, you will know once you are fully detached. One of my friends told me that my W changed her name back to her maiden name on social media (I am no longer on social media and don't think I ever will be - I highly recommend this for the LBS), and it literally had no impact on me (I also had to tell my friend to keep it to himself next time). Prior to my growth, I was somewhat of a homebody at times. Part of my 180s (for myself), was to accept any invite that is thrown my way, regardless if it is something I normally enjoy. This has allowed me to get out of the house 5 days out of the week to GAL, which has helped tremendously.
Do I still struggle with loneliness? Absolutely. That's the worst part. Not having the one you love next to you to snuggle with in bed at the end of the night is really hard. That's when I pull out my Bible and get into the word, knowing that I am not alone.
There is part of me that wishes I never had to go through something like this. It has been traumatic to say the least. But the other part of me is somewhat glad that I did. I have learned so much about myself, and I feel like I am extremely battle tested. Little things that used to stress me out are now small inconveniences. We all need to fail from time to time. It's a humbling experience that allows us to self-reflect.
The way I see it in my sitch, my W saw the worst of me (health issues, depression, etc.), and unfortunately for her, she is going to miss out on seeing the best of me. I'm sure my future partner will be very appreciative of her for leaving a good man and husband.
