So a good friend of mine, who is a recovered addict, suggested I write an impact letter regarding her depression. Her mom wrote one last week and it was extremely impactful on the W. I spent some time writing it and he gave me the green light. Has anyone else done this for WAW/MLC?
How was her mother's letter impactful? Dealing with MLC is a whole different world than dealing with a recovering addict. Unless she is an addict, I wouldn't take advice from a recovering one when it comes to dealing with depression/MLC. You and others cannot rush her process of dealing with her past. She has to do the hard, necessary work to come out the other side a mature human being. If you do "snatch" her out of her crisis, I can guarantee she'll got back into it at a later date and it will be far worse than what you are dealing with now. My advice, listen to the posters here...we are the ones that deal with MLC or have dealt with it for years.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It was lengthy and contained personality issues, the amount divorce in her side of family (non existent in mine), disapproval of her actions and some deep stuff regarding depression and childhood issues. Since that time she has been tearful, not fixing herself up and looking like she is in a daze. She had more than usual counseling sessions that week as well. Unless the timing is coincidental I cannot think of anything else to explain the sudden change. I agree and will wait before talking with her about what I have to say.
Another question......Temp orders are "planned" for after Xmas, likely January. I am confused as to when to tell the kids about separation. Part of me thinks early to give time to process, the other part thinks while they're on school break....days before it happens. Both are under 8 years old.
Sounds like the therapy touched on things and the letter and the holidays may have triggered additional stuff that has set her off into a bit more depression. I would leave her to think about things and if she wants to talk, listen. If others ask about giving her letters or talking to her, you may want to advise them to wait a bit. She is very fragile right now and I wouldn't want to see her do something that she normally would not do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Nobody else has thought of writing at this time. Last week, she was pleading with her parents to accept OM and they both shot her down and told her they do not support her decision, nor is he allowed in their homes, or any family events. They have met him on several occasions, so this is not blind distrust. Her mother again told me they will cooperate fully for me with regards to OM and our children. I will discuss with Atty what they can do, if anything.
It has come to my attention much more has happened around my children than I previously knew. I do not think I can live in the home any longer and plan on filing temp orders and moving out soon. It is too much for me to deal with, even for another month.
I thought I was doing well with detachment but I guess I was not. Separation seems to be the only route I can go at this time. BTW, she continues to be nice and wanting to talk. I cannot trust it.
I don't know about the letter stuff-I have seen that on TV but never personally witnessed anything like it-
You say you need to move out because of "stuff" that is happening and around your children Will the children be with you? Will they be safe with her?
MY XH Family also rejected the OW (new young psychotic wife) they refused to allow her in the house or any events. My kids never met her..they moved out of state MY XH chose the OW over his family-His sisters have not heard from him in years
Time is really the only way you will know No way to know which way they turn and sometimes they go one way and then change or breakup ect- You wife seems to have one foot in reality -she is cautious-she wants approval-shes in therapy time will tell
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
The letters, for addicts, can be powerful. As above, may not do squat for MLC'ers.
I am talking with Atty to see what I can do about kids. That is the one thing that may keep me at home.
She seems to have episodic breakthroughs of clarity and then goes right back into the tunnel. From what shes told me the counselor is a "do what you feel" type, but she's also said they touch on some psychological issues.
Unfortunately many counselors do not understand MLC MY XH had one like that also "Do what you want" is like a ticket to self destruction , and that is exactly what my XH did
plus the mlcer probably lies to counselor or twists story to suit them
It sounds like you are weighing all things out with the children being the most important at this point Your attorney will guide you
It was my main goal to keep my kids safe I stalled a few times when XH and OW was supposed to take them
Then, I think God intervened as I noticed they were slurring in speech I thought they were high, so I said NO
MY XH couldn't fight me on everything because his funds were feeding their new Gambling addiction so he had not enough to see his L every time- then he left the state to our benefit-
MY point--fight for them If you suspect she may bring OM around or if you have seen stuff already in your home, around your kids I would fight and not give up
She may be on her way to gone- but they need stability or this could affect them
I think a life without the MLCER is far better for them than the craziness-- if its possible-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
They do have periods of clarity and then bounce back into the depressive fog. As for therapists and counselors...they do not understand MLC. Many times the MLCer will lie and the professionals will believe their tales of woe. Also, the MLCer will pick and choose what they hear from the conversations that the professionals have w/them.
As for your children, speak to your attorney. He/she can advise you as to what you can ask for in the way of keeping the OM away from them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
