Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 5

[Davide]

Ovr,

First off, thanks for the support! I appreciate your advice and questioning.

I'm glad to hear you are having some fun in the dating world, that probably feels great. Given your sitch, it seems to me that you may be overanalyzing things a bit.

I would normally agree that i have a tendency to overanalyze things, but in this case it seems warranted. Despite a great connection this woman has already tried to stop seeing me twice because of her concerns. She went so far as to tell her friends and mother that she was stopping seeing me - but then after we talk she wants to spend the night together. At least in this occasion it is not all in my head!

I am going to advise you not to discuss splitting things up yet, because I think you cross this bridge when you get there. Your wife isn't taking advantage of you financially, right? If not, I don't see the need to rush things if you are truly still hoping to save the marriage.

There is no rush. She hasn't touched any of our joint accounts since we split them in the beginning of June. However, I don't see myself as trying to save the marriage at this point. I understand that this site and forum is dedicated to "divorce busting" but the skills I have learned here have served me beyond that. My marriage is dead and buried at this point. It still hurts a bit to say that, but I don't think that waiting any more time is going to change that, and I am okay with it now.

I don't see this as an entirely bad thing. I think someone who says this is trying to show you that they care. Your temporary moods should not affect your partner's overall happiness. But the day in, day out moods are going to affect a relationship no matter what "emotional boundaries" a person has.

I think that both of us, and I indict myself just as much if not more than her, DID let temporary moods of each other affect our overall happiness. I think we both had poor emotional boundaries. I think that was one of the major issues in our marriage. Honestly, it is a mistake that I would like to learn from and not repeat - both on my own end, and in terms of trying to find a partner with healthy boundaries of their own.

FlySolo,

Good to hear from you as well. I am definitely always questioning my motivations and trying to act from a place of strength and abundance rather than a place of need. I want to date because I feel like my life is good and I have a lot of love to offer. It's definitely not a reaction to my wife (she has been with OM since at least August). Nor is anyone putting any pressure on me to date - if anything, the advice I have received here and elsewhere has been to be cautious.

Good luck. I think no matter how emotionally prepared we are for the divorce talk or any R talk, it and they still sting like a MF.

Without a doubt. I am completely prepared for an emotional reaction when having this conversation. It will certainly raise certain ghosts, but I don't know that that is a bad thing. I don't want to hide from them, and I feel strong enough at this point to confront them. Plus, I know that I have a support network with family, friends, and of course all of you here.

Neffer,

Siempre cuento con tu apoyo!

Hi D. Just take your time and use it wisely as Cadet says. Don’t rush to get into somewhere you even don’t know if you want. Get some legal advice about dividing your things. Just to know where to stand.

I question whether I am rushing. However, I don't see how more time will make me feel any differently. I feel quite certain that this chapter of my life is closed and that I need to turn the page. I certainly won't rush into any legally binding decisions, I'm quite pragmatic and level-headed in my decision making. I think that most likely we can reach an amicable division of assets without needing to involve outside parties, but I will certainly make sure that my butt is covered in all cases.