[SteveLW]

Now the bad:

Sending the pics. Say what you want but that was you trying to get her to respond or at a minimum see you were having a good time. Unnecessary. You could have easily shown the kids your pics yourself when you got home. Bad, noticing the stockings. This shows you still have expectations and you are still microfocusing on what she does. Bad that you left a book for her. Even if she took it. Buy books for you. Leave her to buy books for herself. (Note, this is one I broke myself so I know it is bad. Pressure and pursuit, even if you didn't TELL her it was for her.)

I get what you are saying. However, just for clarification purposes, my two girls have taken an interest when "my team" is on and I'm watching them. There was a 'Dress as your favorite sports figure' day at school a few weeks back so I ordered them T-Shirts with the numbers and name on the back of two players on my team. They were so excited and it made me so happy watching them get excited. So, now when I watch games, they are always looking for the players who's t-shirts each of them have. I told them before I left that I would get pictures of "their players." So, while I totally understand what you are saying, there wasn't any intent on my part to get a reaction from her. However, in hindsight I probably should have just waited until I got home to share the pics with them.

Regarding the books -- again, I absolutely understand what you are saying. Those books have been on my dresser in the MBR that she hardly ever sets foot in anymore. Yes, they were out in the open, but that's mainly because I do all of my reading at night in bed. I think back when I ordered them and I was in the pressure/pursuit mode big time, I told her that I got these books and she's welcome to read them if she wanted. She has said things in the past about being "unable to forgive herself." So when I ordered the Radical Forgiveness book for myself I saw the Radical Self-Forgiveness one when I was checking out and added it to my order. I'm not going to lie, I have no intention of reading that book. I don't think there is anything I can't forgive myself for. I own my mistakes in my marriage and I can forgive myself for them because in all reality, my shortcomings are pretty common and now that I know them, easily correctable. The typical shortcomings that are most prevalent among men and communication. When I ordered the books I was more concerned about forgiving her in a healthy and honest way for the A's if we ended up R. If/When we D, I'm not sure I'm interested in reading the other book at this time either. Maybe down the road. Right now I'm still struggling, heavily, with her idea of just walking away, destroying my kids' only sense of family and having no desire at all to try to fix our M. Again, I don't think my shortcomings are at a level where D should be Option A without trying to fix our issues first. But, I've not come to terms with the fact that that isn't for me to decide or can control. Still mind boggling to say the least.

Speaking of the MBR. I find this odd, but when I've been gone, I've told my W that she's more than welcome to stay in our room since it's the only other bedroom upstairs beside my kids'. They are little and still sometimes get up in the middle of the night looking for Mom or Dad. She has still chosen to sleep on the couch. Kind of confusing, to me, but whatever. She can do what she wants. So, last night D7 told me that her and D5 slept in our bed the night before. She said that she told Mommy to sleep with them but Mommy said no and slept on the couch. Maybe one of the other prior WW that are on here can speak to this mindset, but I don't really understand it? I'm not in the house at all, why wouldn't you want to sleep in the bed instead of on the couch?

You know your intentions better than I do. However, if I perceived things this way....then likely she did too. Just a thought.

On the not sleeping in the bed, my guess is that would be a step back towards the MR even without you in the bed. And she is not ready to take that step yet.