Is love worth the pain? Back to Basics

[ovrrnbw]

Reading DB quotes link Steve commonline and saw that and it really hit home. I have anxiety from all the sht that’s happened. Her being on her phone around me or her getting dressed up and doing make up makes me feel really anxious. Fri night I was over there before D4 school program and she’s getting ready in a thong and bra and I felt almost like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I felt like she was going out with some guy she talks about other guys almost every time we interact. Going to mention that as a boundary in Mc. I will continue to do iC and work on me. I can’t keep doing this back and forth. She has come back 3 times and then I go through stages of grief bs. There have been so many crazy messed up things that have happened in this sitch. And she has told me about all of them in detail. I gotta detach I felt really crazy. Never felt that way before.

Quit playing her games, find a way to avoid or step out in this situation. That's right, the ups and downs SHE goes through need to be her experience, and you need to not be a part of it.

Continued... Some guy was texting her while we’re at d4s program and she’s telling me she doesn’t know who it is and responding to this guy cordially just like a friend while I’m next to her. I say I’m sure it is someone you connected with online at some point (before she broke her phone in drunk driving accident) she says yea maybe I don’t remember any numbers with this area code. Then tells me the next day he stopped responding and was mad she doesn’t know who it was. Like I want to know??

She's playing games, you don't need to play them. Don't be a part of her games. How do you even get to this conversation the next day? Don't have that conversation.

So w texts me sat morning I’m really hurting. I’m just in bed crying. Said she went out with her friend and her husband fri night that they picked her up. I say I’m here for you glad you’re safe. She responds I don’t feel safe. I said If you need someone you can come here D4 and I are your family. What should I have said here? I understand things or some type of validation she needs help!! I’m ready to run for the fences and take a month apart.

Did she ask you a question? No. So don't respond. If she says that in person you validate. That's it. Your W doesn't want you, so why are you "there for her"? If she says she doesn't feel safe tell her to call the police. She fired you as husband, so let her feel the consequence of her choice.

Says she Had 3 vodka drinks and was hungover throwing up the next day. I said I can’t keep rescuing you. I did not go to her, she was supposed to have D4 last night. Instead she came over and we watched a movie with D4. NGS... but maybe a step in the right direction making her come to me and not going to rescue. Probably not close to good enough. Should I have let her be alone and feel shitty?? I suppose so.

How does this conversation even start? If she texts you that she is hungover, you don't respond. It's not a question. Let her chase you, make her commit to you, and you need to feel it in every bone in your body and then see it in the flesh before you ever believe it for a second.

We still have MC tomorrow. Really all I want to do is go over what’s happened. And say I cant keep doing this you need to be on this couch as much as me. Let’s own our story we’ve hurt each other. Instead of feeling guilt or regret how about we work on detaching from codepencies and forgive ourselves and each other.

Just go and listen to her, validate what she says. She doesn't give a $h!t about you, her actions say it. Your W doesn't want to own her story, she's not ready, she may never be ready. So let her go so she can go through her "journey".

That said, you're a good guy Did. Keep your head up, keep working, keep getting better!