13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[SteveLW]

Well done!

I do not want to give you false hope, but when my WW started to turnaround these were the kinds of things she started to do and engage it. It was as if, while she was still wayward, she had a second personality that also wanted to stay. If you see my threads you'll see I said frequently "its as if she is having a war inside of her". I think at this point the WW is looking for 1 of 2 things.

1) They are looking for reassurance that what they are doing is okay. My WW was very much after this. It is important her to NOT let her off the hook. If she broaches the subject, and you shouldn't initiate it, you can continue to hold her accountable. When she tries to play it off as being better for the kids, remind her that ideally kids would come from an intact home with parents that are actively working on their MR. When she tries to say you are better off remind her that while you will be fine, you want what is best for the kids (again, intact home with parents actively working on MR). Do not ever give her the impression you condone what she is doing, while at the same time letting her know that you are going to be fine NO MATTER WHAT.

2) Looking for reasons to stay. They have to face a lot with their decisions. Disappointing kids, their spouse, their family, their spouse's family, friends, church members (for that that are religious) etc. They've seen changes in the LBS but they aren't sure of them yet. They are having pangs of staying, but they want to be sure that if they reverse course it is the correct course of action. So make sure she knows that the path to coming back is clear IF she is willing to make the changes she needs to make: MC, stopping all contact with OM (including a decease and desist letter), etc. Do not just let her come back (you know this), but make her aware that you will be behind her decision 100% if she decides to do the work.

Hurt, WWs are strange creatures and are really flaky. Mine flip-flopped between staying and going for weeks. Which is why you need to make sure to keep DBing. I often tell LBSs that this is a very dangerous point. To stop DBing now will likely erase any progress you've made. Trust the process.