[SteveLW]

W,
I going to make some assumptions here so bare with me and let me know if I am right. From what you have told us your W is very attractive. That is also backed by the fact that 2 of your sold called loser friends have ruined friendships over her so I am guessing she is not chopped liver. Since like typically attracts like I am guessing you that you are also an attractive man. I also now know you are a lawyer. Having said that, if you put in the hard work this next year being a great dad, in self improvement, and the gym there will plenty of opportunities for you out there in the dating world.

This takes time. I am 4 years from bomb and am finally starting to reap the rewards of the hard work I put in. Take your time, there is no rush here. If you do not put the work I can guarantee you will be back here in 5 years.

I'm very hesitant to consider myself an attractive man. My W has told me I'm handsome, even after BD, but I question whether that's just lip service or what. "Believe nothing that they say!" I never had a problem getting girls in college, either. I think my confidence is shot (being cheated on 3 times tends to do that, after all I am human!) and I've sort of always been self-conscious about some of my features. One being my weight which I've been working on these past 2 months. I've lost roughly 30 lbs since BD on September 19th. Sort of plateaued now over the past 2 weeks and still have some more to go before I would be satisfied.

I've been following the alpha male thread. I need to start working towards regaining some of those traits. I think I had them in college and before I was M. If I'm not truly "handsome," maybe it was my self confidence that scored me attraction from girls in college and ultimately my drop-dead gorgeous W. I think there is some truth to the fact that women don't put as much emphasis on looks as men do and maybe my past self is an example of that. Confidence and self-assuredness are things that I can control and change and I aim to do just that.

Did you say you are in IC? You need to discuss self confidence, and self-assuredness and self-esteem with an IC. Even if you are butt ugly, that doesn't mean that you are without value. Don't ever sell yourself short for shortcomings. We all have them. Succeed despite them.