The thing about DBing is that so many times we treat our W or H as if they are not whole people. It's true that they are in crisis, and often times NOT acting in a healthy way. But they are still full people into themselves, and despite their own crisis and poor choices they NEED to stand on their own two feet. They NEED to be seen as a person that is responsible for their own actions. They need to know that they can, and they need us to trust them to learn how.
Every time we go in to rescue them we send them the message, "You are not a whole person worthy of your own independent thoughts and actions. I would like to be sure I have the power here, so I will correct you every time you are wrong. My opinion is more important than yours, so I'll tell you how to be. You are not worthy of having your own time/space/thoughts/emotions."
Do you want to be with a person that knows their value and can be a full partner, or do you want to be with someone you control?
NONE of us came into this world knowing how to navigate what life throws at us. We should all be constantly learning. It's not like we turn 18 and know how to be perfect adults. We all have to learn that. You need to learn how to let her go in this situation, and SHE needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet. I vote you give her that chance.
