[Wanted1]

So, I went on my GAL trip this past weekend. It was great. Was by myself the entire time and enjoyed it. Tried to initiate conversations with people around me, both men and women, which helped me in the confidence department.

Didn't have hardly any communication with W the whole time. Both W and I were in the same town (not our hometown) before I left on Friday. I was there for work and she was there to see her IC. W called me after her IC session as I was eating and asked how my work stuff went. There were some snafu's with it, so I explained all of those to her. She asked where I was and told her I was eating. Her response was, "Oh, yum. I was thinking about going there too." She never did and I was almost finished up when she called and left shortly thereafter to start the drive. I made it a point to end the call first, and as we were hanging up she told me she really hoped I would have a ton of fun this weekend and hoped that I could be relaxed since the work snafu's from earlier in the day were kind of hectic and troublesome.

I called her phone to FaceTime with the kids when I arrived at the hotel I was staying at. Didn't talk to her but talked to the kids. The kids called me Saturday morning to FaceTime and to show me what their Elf on the Shelf brought them (Xmas pajamas). On Saturday, I was at the mall and wanted to do some shopping for the kids, so I had to reach out to her to confirm clothing sizes. I was correct in what I had thought, but wanted to double check just to make sure. That night, while I was at the game, I sent her a few pictures of the game and halftime entertainment and told her they were for the kids. She said she would show them to them Sunday morning since they were already in bed. She then said, "I hope it's a great game." I didn't respond. Called her phone again on Sunday morning as I was driving home to FaceTime with the kids again. Didn't converse with her at all. Once I got home Sunday afternoon, we didn't talk at all either.

Giving her time and space. My sole focus is on not initiating any conversation with her. If she wants to talk to me, I'll be pleasant and listen, etc. but I will not be going to her unless it is an emergency of some sort. I did have to text her this morning to find out some information regarding a couple of the kids' after school activity logistics.

One interesting tidbit I did notice when I got home was that one of my books that I had picked up and had on my dresser in the MBR was gone. I ordered Collin Tipping's 'Radical Forgiveness' and Radical Self-Forgiveness.' I have had them for about a month-3 weeks and hadn't started reading them. TBH, I ordered the Radical Self-Forgiveness more for her than me and guess which one was gone?! No expectations though. A book isn't going to change her mind. If they would, the ones she's been reading, and there have been a lot, that deal with self help, etc. would have done that if she would truly take what she's reading to heart. I've mentioned this before, but I'm pretty sure these books aren't telling her to focus entirely on the negative aspects of situations or life and that is all she's been doing for 2 months straight. And probably for a lot longer than that looking back on everything.

No word of when she's moving out or anything like that so far. Last week, she told me the previous tenant of this apartment she's moving into was moving out on Friday but she guessed they would have to go in and clean it, etc. before it was ready. During the phone call on Friday, she told me she was going to do some holiday decorating to "get the kids in the Xmas spirit." When I got back, the house was all decorated for Xmas. The only stockings that were hung were the 3 kids'. Mine and W's were not on the fireplace. Deep down that sort of hurts, but I didn't show it. Just another reminder that things will never be the same.

I'm going to do 'something' that I haven't had the will power to do thus far and that is "do nothing." I won't be approaching her to ask when she's moving out, when we are going to tell the kids, or anything of that nature. She can come to me with all of that. It'll be interesting when/how she communicates any of that stuff to me. Her communication skills with me are terrible. Might have something to do with the "fear" she spoke of in our conversation with the Bishop right after Thanksgiving, I don't know. She informed me of when she was starting her job via a 'footnote' on a sticky note on my desk that had a work message she took for me on it. She also informed me of her plans to move out via text when we were talking about the possibility of Retrouvaille last week.