I was reading through some posts a little bit ago and came across one that talks about becoming the man you were (or the man you want to be) and some suggestions on this. This "used" to be me. I wasn't worried about anything. I walked with purpose with my head held high. I was no better than anyone, I just knew I would work harder, smarter and better than they would. Realizing I lost this part of myself a while ago. That "my purpose" became figuring out how to take care of my W with her issues. I became her caregiver of sorts and as I said, lost myself in the process.
We are now physically separated. The weight of the "situation" is no longer weighing on my shoulders everytime I pull in the driveway. This, I believe, is a good thing. I am calmer. I am handling things better. I am even sleeping better. There are still some very down times, but they are further apart. I kind of lost it by myself when I got the Christmas decorations out of storage to put them out. 21 years of memories just jumped out at me. It was VERY emotional for a little bit. This week is the anniversary of the date we actually started dating. I had forgotten until it just popped in my mind yesterday for no reason.
Unfortunately, we have to communicate and have seen each other ever day due to our D still being in the hospital (she will be ok, but may be there a couple of more days). So there really hasn't been any time for us to not communicate. I keep my questions/answers short. yes/no if possible and validate whenever possible. It is difficult sometimes as she is still very selfish and therefore not really concerned about our children's responsibilities school or otherwise at this time. I am choosing my battles. When we have seen each other, I make sure I look the best I can. Jeans and a T-shirt or a suit when appropriate, I have always looked like I walked off a magazine page. Not a competition between us, but she is looking very tired, dangerously thin (I did the math and she is by the bmi calculator at an anorexic weight. Bags under her eyes and she rarely has her hair and makeup done (usually just the "i'm going to the grocery" make up and hair. Clothes are sometimes covered in animal hair, wrinkled, unmatched, etc. We only have a short window to see our daughter and it is in the early evening so it is not like she didn't have time to get ready or anything for the day or just for her daughter.
She has cashed everything in to fund her lifestyle for a little while. I don't see her changing her mind any time soon and the longer I "let" this go on without filing or anything else, I feel will just enable her more enhance her feeling of my not being a "man".
DB'ing is counter intuitive or so this has been mentioned at least once or twice on here. If that is true, my instincts are to "take care" of my W (NGS) and wait this out. The counter intuitive part of me says to drop her like a bad habit and if she changes her mind, if I'm open to it, then cool. If not, let's move this on. What do you guys think? Steve, I know you are going to ask the same question "Do you want a D?" I absolutely do not. I also am the only one left in this MR so it really doesn't matter what I want at this time. I need a stable home for my children and for myself. If that includes my W, then awesome, if not, then awesome as well.
What do you guy's think?
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
