M: Get 2 new tires put on car (had 2 put on before summer—don’t drive a lot in summer with school being out).
Tu: Meet with IC
Wed: Have night to myself. W is taking both boys to MIL for OS dentist appt. on Thurs. (Background: Dentist is in Santa Monica from when we first moved out here and live in West LA, we now live in OC (traffic here is awful), so MIL gets time with the boys, W saves some driving in AM, and W admits that it’s nice to have the help getting everyone together in the AM, because I leave so early for work. Oh, you mean to tell me taking care of 2 little boys 6 and under by yourself will be hard work and need help? Interesting. /Wonka face)
What will I do? World is my oyster. Probably grade, tbh. Get in a work-out (though I’ve lost 30 lbs. over the last 2 years, I need to work on muscle tone and get physically stronger. W has made comments about me working on muscle tone and getting in better shape in the past. But now? For myself. If she benefits, so be it.) Run a couple of errands (new workout clothes among them). May also get some nice cologne to wear, like Old Spice or something so I can up my appearance. I’ve been using a botanical oil supplement on my face—dry skin is an issue, and I’m a bit of a sun-worshipper and have a loose-at-best relationship with sunscreen (I’m more tan than W). Also helps me look and smell my best—improve appearance and confidence.
I may go out to eat—she asks what I’lll do for dinner, tell her ‘yeah I’ll go out,’ and be light on specifics. May also take some grading / school work out to a coffee shop to just get out and be out with people.
This week will bring up dinner on 12/22, unless she asks first.
Last Friday, came home a good amount later than normal (prob. 50 min or an hour). W asks if was working late. Told her went to bank (true story), but kept details about long lines and such to minimum / nonexistent. W: ‘Okayyyyy...’
I am no doctor or psychologist but I will have to say
This has alot to do with W just having a child.
I would try not to react or read so much into it.
Give W a chance Help more then you would usually. Bring W her favorite flowers Her favorite dessert Without expectations or expecting something back.
Just because...
Even a Thank you letter hand written...
Trust me a woman feels abandon at a time like this, Your W just had a baby....
Just remember One day at a time
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
This thought has occurred to me in the past: Though there is no OW for me, what I’ve thought about is wanting an affair—with my W. I want to be married / intimate with someone other than the woman who currently inhabits my W’s body and spirit.
Thank you, and I do know that her having BabyBoy plays a lot into it.
I’m sure there HAS to be some PPD / hormone fluctuation going on here, on some level.
W cried when pregnancy test came back positive—and I’m pretty sure those weren’t tears of joy.
Back in spring / summer, I ‘helped more than I would usually,’ and really sold out. Kinda felt like I needed to be SuperDad or SuperHubby. Taco Bell at 8:00 p.m. because she isn’t hungry for tonight’s dinner? Okay, text me what you want.
But I’m not into pursuing right now—will bring up with IC tomorrow.
Did all sorts of stuff during pregnancy and take 3.5 weeks of paid leave away from classroom, students and those responsibilities. I still got the ‘I’m still angry with you’ and ‘I’m not sure if I even want to be married to you.’ What did that get me? How well did that work out for me?
But for me, doing all sorts of nice things sounds a lot like a ‘cheese-less tunnel.’
I deserve, and want to be with someone, who wants to be with me and bear and raise my kids.
Ok Bo, I went ahead and went over your sitch and the excellent advice you are getting form the folks here. So I do not have much new to add, other that this:
Be patient.This process takes time. And in most cases, will be painful. Despite that, keep going. Force yourself. Do not back up from any changes you have made.
PPD is something she will need to work through. Let her work through her own process. You be there to validate as needed.
Bo, I do not understand about your affair comment. You want to be intimate with the W as you knew her before BD?
Ok Bo, I went ahead and went over your sitch and the excellent advice you are getting form the folks here. So I do not have much new to add, other that this:
Be patient.This process takes time. And in most cases, will be painful. Despite that, keep going. Force yourself. Do not back up from any changes you have made.
PPD is something she will need to work through. Let her work through her own process. You be there to validate as needed.
Bo, I do not understand about your affair comment. You want to be intimate with the W as you knew her before BD?
Thanks, pain.
I’ll do my best to validate as needed. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I can’t help but believe that if her anger / depression / whatever is THAT BAD, why isn’t she in front of a therapist every week or two? I also know that one symptom of depression is paradoxically NOT seeking help—wanting to wall yourself up. I know because I’ve been there.
You are pretty much correct re: the affair comment. Would be nice for her to come back to the woman that she was before ILYBINILWY. But I should start accepting that that woman is in the past, and that I need to get ready for a new woman—the new woman from her that I hope comes through the other side, or someone else in time.
You are pretty much correct re: the affair comment. Would be nice for her to come back to the woman that she was before ILYBINILWY. But I should start accepting that that woman is in the past, and that I need to get ready for a new woman—the new woman from her that I hope comes through the other side, or someone else in time.
Bingo. Accept that the W you used to know is gone. Whoever she transforms into, she and God know. You don't control that. You control yourself.
I guess I’m in the roller-coaster phase. Some moments I feel optimistic and unstoppable, and I feel like I am so amazing and utterly desirable.
And then there are moments where I’m like “WHY?!?!?!” or “I’m so alone—man this is the worst and will it ever get better?”
In time, yes it will get better, but right now....
Seeing the boys, especially the YS helps—glad to know I’m needed by them and that at least YS wants to be held by me and fall asleep with me (he did so early this morning).
I’m also sure more sleep will help my mood—between YS care and backed-up grading, sleep will be at a premium the next couple of weeks.
