Starting new thread. Thanks all for your love and support. It means a lot to me.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
It really seems like my situation with my wife is hopeless.
I'm doing my best and GAL, but i can't help but feel that my WW has lost the plot. Even my close friends and our families say the same. Nobody never ever thought she would do this. It's like a different person to the woman i loved and married.
My therapist said not to underestimate the impact of the Miscarriages on her behavior this summer. It's devastating on women, but also it's not a reason for her doing this.
I did feel that 2017 was a good year and this time last year we were so excited with my WW being pregnant. Sadly this year, it's a complete disaster. Another Miscarriage and an affair.
She's cheated, been kicked out of the house, her AP lives in another country, he's a cheater also, she wants a divorce, is now in a relationship with him and has made no effort to R, no matter what I have tried. I have sent her a legal letter back in October, she hasn't responded.
She has lost soo many friends and respect over this, but it seems she doesn't care about anyone else besides herself and her AP.
My family and friends are a great support network and have got me through some dark days. It killed me last weekend seeing that picture of them together, with an almost evil grin on both their faces.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
In your therapy, I think you should not focus much on why she is doing anything. Neither of you know, neither of you will be able to figure it out either.
Quote
It's like a different person to the woman i loved and married.
It's not "like" a different person, it IS a different person. The LBS just doesn't want to believe it.
You're following her social media, why? Is that helping you somehow?
In an earlier post, you mention you "used" the Last Resort Technique? But you stopped for some reason?
You mention her not showing any remorse as to why you can't forgive her. Well, I've got news for you. She may never show any remorse, and if she did, it may be a long, long time. So let go of it! You can't control her, so don't worry about it! Do it for your own internal peace, or carry on the rest of your life as a victim like some divorcees and just be miserable.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
It's a lot to digest. We can only see your written words but having been going through this for several years I can imagine all the devastation, emotions, and pain you're feeling. Plus your early - mid 30's are such an exciting time in life. It's right when a lot of people are having kids, buying their first house, and thriving in their careers. That's exactly what you describe about you and your wife. To be at that point and then have all your dreams thrown away is about more than just a failed relationship. It's an interruption to everything you envisioned about your life leading up to this point. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong to deserve this. It's good you have family and friends who are supportive and who see the truth about what's happened. I hope you take the time you need to grieve and also try to imagine a future with a woman who is 100% committed to you and wants the same things you do. I hope you'll get through this terrible experience and then live happily ever after with a new beautiful and kind woman if your wife can't figure out what she's losing.
Thanks, Nicole, I'm glad you understand how I feel. Seeing my brother and sister, both married, houses, their little children, also all my friends etc all moving on, while my WW has blown our life and dreams to pieces. Everything she said seems like it was all lies now, that our dreams etc was all just bs. I'm an attractive man, good career, talented and have a lot of really good friends, who i have shared good and bad times with. I was always an independent, positive and good sense of humor and honest.
I'm now living with my parents again at 35, who I love and respect and grateful for. However, this seems all so unfair and cruel.
I'm a good man, I don't think I'm a 100% nice guy, as I certainly through the years called her out on times I feel she was being unreasonable or disrespectful.
Maybe in time, she will realize the grass wasn't greener and will want to return, who knows, but I know that I'm hurt badly, but I'm making it through day by day. The coldness of this betrayal kills me. I don't think right now i can ever take her back unless she has a personality transplant. I know in time her AP, will feel her wrath also. He has no idea what's in store.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
It really seems like my situation with my wife is hopeless.
It is never hopeless. Lots of hopeless looking situations turned out in R. The key is to be patience. Stay the course. Let the process work.
Thanks Steve, i always have hope, but i have to protect myself and i'm listening to you.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
In your therapy, I think you should not focus much on why she is doing anything. Neither of you know, neither of you will be able to figure it out either.
Quote
It's like a different person to the woman i loved and married.
It's not "like" a different person, it IS a different person. The LBS just doesn't want to believe it.
You're following her social media, why? Is that helping you somehow?
In an earlier post, you mention you "used" the Last Resort Technique? But you stopped for some reason?
You mention her not showing any remorse as to why you can't forgive her. Well, I've got news for you. She may never show any remorse, and if she did, it may be a long, long time. So let go of it! You can't control her, so don't worry about it! Do it for your own internal peace, or carry on the rest of your life as a victim like some divorcees and just be miserable.
I'm not following her social media, we were still friends on FB, however, i decided to remove it last weekend for good. That and also on her Whatsapp, she posted a profile pic of her and her new AP, only 3 1/2 months after DDay. Very tasteless and cruel, which she changed a few hours later again. i guess she couldn't take the heat from someone!? No idea, but i'm off it for good.
I have deleted the app and have advised my siblings to not update me on FB or anything anymore. I really don't need to know and want to protect my sanity.
I used the LRT, however since then nothing from her side. Shes off in La La land. It's hard to understand, as they only have limited access to each other, either through work events or through flying to each other's countries.
I don't ever want to be a victim and spending my life miserable, I'm going to counseling and doing the right things and keeping busy and distracting myself with my friends and hobbies. I'm back playing live music again and also have lost weight and looking pretty good again. I'm reading positive books and working on the PIES.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
I started using LRT in early September after she refused to stop the A and said she was happy now and was falling in love with him. I told her i disagreed with what she was doing, but it was her choice. I said i wanted to save our marriage, but i cant when she was having an affair. Thats where she infamously said "It's not an affair". Same thing AP said to his exgf. She was truly in the fog (still is) with no interest in reconciliation or remorse. This is a woman who said only a few month's prior, " i love you more than i love myself" "You're the best thing that ever happened to me "
I didn't beg or plead her to stay. When she messaged me at the end of Sept looking for a divorce and for it to happen in her country, i took action a few weeks later my sending her a legal letter, in order to protect myself and get sone power back, as i don't want to travel abroad for a divorce, especially when they speak another language.
She hasn't responded to my solictor in over 8 weeks or i havent heard anything from back in regards a seperation or divorce.
She's continuing her affair and basically sitting on the fence, by not doing anything.
Yes they have limited access, seperate countries. Flights only to meet up.
P.HYSICAL I.NTELLECTUAL E.MOTIONAL S.PIRITUAL
We are physically separated since August 2018. NC since late September. A is still going on.
Last edited by Manta; 12/06/1811:13 AM.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
