That is a tough one Hurt. I’m no expert and I’m not doing so great with my sitch either...detaching is my main goal. However, I don’t think detaching means being cold or grumpy. It is difficult with her living there, I imagine. My H moved out before I knew what was happening so I have not had the experience of an IHS. Reading what you wrote, the phrase “you are still too focused on her” kind of rang in my head. I think if you were truly detached, you would just be you...the person you want to be regardless of what she is doing or not doing. So you don’t chase her or try to get her to have R talks... you just do your own thing. If you find yourself in a conversation with her, just treat her like you would anyone you care about but aren’t wrapped up in like a good, but not too good, friend. That’s my understanding anyway. When I see my H, I am fairly pleasant. If he talks, I listen. If he asks me a question, I respond accordingly. I don’t pry into what he is doing unless if pertains directly to our kids. It is still hard. My H has left me with many, many unanswered questions and has shaken my confidence so recovery from that is not easy. I am persevering though. I still feel pretty sad when I see him and right away after her leaves but I don’t stay sad for as long as before. I am hoping, in time, the sadness will be replaced with indifference (?)... not sure that is the right word because it implies a lack of caring. I don’t want to not care about him. I want to care about him but just not be emotionally rattled by him. It is going to take awhile. I am just at the start of this journey and it is not one I wanted to take, but I am on it nevertheless. And so are you. You will get there too Hurt. (((Hugs))
