Hit a personal best today in weight training. I have not been able to bench 135 lbs. 10 times in...years. I don't care if 135 is not a lot. It is a lot to me. And I am loving the transformation my body and my soul is going through. It has been a very slow process and I still have a lot to work on. I do see that W is still cake-eating (joint account primarily), but having me as my emotional support is pretty much non-existent. She is trying though. Hard. Asked me multiple times to let her know if I need anything from the city. Asked me why I never pick up when she calls and why it takes time for me to answer her texts. Anytime she brings talk about the future, I answer with "Let's not get that far ahead. I'm thinking only of tomorrow."
On the "being-a-leader" front, I have noticed that when I told W to do something, especially when it comes to her health, she does not fight, moan, or complain. She does it. To a lesser extent, when I ask her to do something in regards to the house or D4...she does that too without much pushback.
I don't know what all of that means when it comes to us. I do know that I am getting a grip of what I can control back. I am getting my balls back.
I am always going to be worried about the one thing that is going to bring me crashing back down. I don't know what it will be this time. Whatever it is, I hope that I can deal with it better than the previous times I have crashed.
2019 is going to be great. I am looking forward to the new year.
