A huge rush of sadness has fallen on me. I will be divorced in 12 hours. My heart aches. I talked to D12 tonight. She is doing much better. I'm thankful for that, but I'm also sad that apparently I'm the only one who is feeling such intense sorrow. One of those times where I just want to cry. My vegetable soup turned out well, and I kept my mind busy by calling my Mom and working out. Saying "squirrel" is not going to work tonight though. The moment of truth is upon me. I will have to begin the next chapter of my life starting tomorrow.
My cousin and her husband cannot understand how my W could give up such a great guy. (I'm sure everybody hears that from their loved ones.) They said that they would not be surprised if my W eventually regrets her decision and looks to reconcile. It sort of makes me feel some distant hope, but the likelihood of that happening is probably minimal. By the time my W feels any kind of regret, I may have moved on. It's a constant struggle to wonder if I should keep hope for our R or if it's healthier for me to completely move on. Other moments I think that I deserve somebody more loyal, that maybe there's a better fit for me--but I know deep down that I love my W too much to pretend that I'm not lost right now.
I must continue GAL'ing as much as possible. I must make the 180s permanent. I must completely detach.
