Is love worth the pain? Back to Basics

[Did]

Sorry for typos and if this is out of order. Writing from my phone.

Will do on DB pro level. Gotta do it. Little to no contact. I want the opposite but things are not improving. I need to work on my mental toughness. Maybe this is the way to do it. GAL pull away. She can contact me first. Be brief in response. Detach but still be positive / nice?

Reading DB quotes link Steve commonline and saw that and it really hit home. I have anxiety from all the sht that’s happened. Her being on her phone around me or her getting dressed up and doing make up makes me feel really anxious. Fri night I was over there before D4 school program and she’s getting ready in a thong and bra and I felt almost like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I felt like she was going out with some guy she talks about other guys almost every time we interact. Going to mention that as a boundary in Mc. I will continue to do iC and work on me. I can’t keep doing this back and forth. She has come back 3 times and then I go through stages of grief bs. There have been so many crazy messed up things that have happened in this sitch. And she has told me about all of them in detail. I gotta detach I felt really crazy. Never felt that way before.

Continued... Some guy was texting her while we’re at d4s program and she’s telling me she doesn’t know who it is and responding to this guy cordially just like a friend while I’m next to her. I say I’m sure it is someone you connected with online at some point (before she broke her phone in drunk driving accident) she says yea maybe I don’t remember any numbers with this area code. Then tells me the next day he stopped responding and was mad she doesn’t know who it was. Like I want to know??

So w texts me sat morning I’m really hurting. I’m just in bed crying. Said she went out with her friend and her husband fri night that they picked her up. I say I’m here for you glad you’re safe. She responds I don’t feel safe. I said If you need someone you can come here D4 and I are your family. What should I have said here? I understand things or some type of validation she needs help!! I’m ready to run for the fences and take a month apart.

Says she Had 3 vodka drinks and was hungover throwing up the next day. I said I can’t keep rescuing you. I did not go to her, she was supposed to have D4 last night. Instead she came over and we watched a movie with D4. NGS... but maybe a step in the right direction making her come to me and not going to rescue. Probably not close to good enough. Should I have let her be alone and feel shitty?? I suppose so.

We still have MC tomorrow. Really all I want to do is go over what’s happened. And say I cant keep doing this you need to be on this couch as much as me. Let’s own our story we’ve hurt each other. Instead of feeling guilt or regret how about we work on detaching from codepencies and forgive ourselves and each other.

W says I’m so far ahead of her on my personal growth. I think it’s only because I’ve done a lot of therapy. Each of
us needs to own our story. . Express my desire to each do our individual work. I’d like nothing more than to have a happy w and D4 in my life on a day to day basis but I’m hearing the same things from you for months and I have to try to move forward with my life. Not necessarily this exact words. But something has to be said. This sht is not ok.