Sleepless night last night. Lots of weird dreams. Being blindfolded in a small boat, not knowing where I'm going, climbing a mountain and knowing I have to get somewhere but not knowing where, and then being held by a co-worker and being told that things will be OK. Doesn't take a lot to work out that my dreams are reflecting my confusion about where I am headed, but that I am heading there anyway.
Girls with my H last night and wasn't due to see them until lunch (I was being picked up for football) so decided to go into town for brunch and then get my nails done. Was running late back (old anxiety rising re the "I told you I would be here at 12. Why aren't you ready?") but luckily beat them back. H is always late for everything (and never apologies) but god forbid I ever be late. When they got here, I said I might give footie a miss and keep D9 with me. I actually like going to footie but thought that D9 might appreciate not sitting in the cold for 2 hours watching her sister play. Got that "look" and stupidly relented. There were road diversions on the way and we ended up getting lost. He asked me to look up the address so he could put it into the satnav and I wasn't fast enough so he whispered (loudly) "Do I have to do everything" and he found it on his phone and put it into the satnav. I looked out the window.
Got there and took D9 to the pub to sit in the warm whilst D12's team warmed up. When I came out I gave him the coffee I had gotten him (politeness), he said thank you, and I went and stood by one of the other dads. We were chatting and H came and stood by me. He commented on and off during the game (this is new - up until recently, he avoided talking to me at the games). When we got back the house, he stopped for about 15 mins (I was doing the washing so didn't really talk to him) and then called out "I'm going FS" so I came out and said goodbye. He felt the need to tell me that he is going to watch the Liverpool game and will be back in the morning to pick us.
The only thing that threw me today was that he had put his flat into his satnav as "home". I guess a part of me still thinks of this as his home. He turned it off as soon as he saw I had noticed. It is funny the little things that can still throw me. I don't care anymore what he does when he is not with me. But the fact that he had put his flat into a satnav and called it home hurt.
