Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 3

[Turbine]

We all hear you Turbine. We are all supporting you from afar.

I keep reading that it will get better.

Something about this line stuck out at me. Are you reading too much? Focusing too much on the process and pain of it? I know some days I am. Do you have other books you are reading for a healthy distraction? If I had to take a wild guess, I'd put you as a Le Carre fan. Have you read all of his works?

Am I reading too much... Focusing on the process and pain... Yail, that is a fair question. So you deserve a fair and hopefully honest answer. I suppose I am. One thing I am good at is learning. I didn't have lots of good friends in school until junior high, 7th grade. I still have one of those friends and we get together now and again to catch up. Usually over a burger or something.

8th grade project for science class. We, as a class, were testifying before a committee about various energy sources. All of the students in the class had a role. Senators/Representatives, energy experts, environmental, eco groups. Well I ended up as the medical expert. I actually ended up knowing more than most of my peers. Ha.

High school. 4 years of English, Math and Science. Sure I had a few classes outside of that but that was my schedule. For "fun" I would go to the school library and take a random volume of the encyclopedia and read whatever caught my attention.

Navy, taught me nuclear propulsion and when I didn't requal I ended up studying gas turbines. There are steam turbines too so now you know why I picked my name. Made a few friends there but really only keep up with one and his wife.

First job out of the Navy, company sent me to school to be an electrician. didn't get to finish that though but I did learn more that added to my prior experience.

Worked a bunch of other jobs, picking up blueprint reading, machining, and a bunch of other skills. After getting laid off from one place I went to school and got a 2 year degree in electronics. W attended school with me. I tested out of a class because of her. She kept asking me about her lessons and homework. I hadn't even taken the class yet. I had to help her a lot. In hindsight I remember feeling frustrated that she didn't pick it up or retain it then. Lots of it she still doesn't. She is smart in many ways that compliment me. I compliment her too. Or we did. Now...

I know I would like (translates as want) to be the team again. We are each strong. I believe though deep inside that we are stronger together. Like an alloy.

As for what I like to read... read lots of La'mour, some Zane Grey, Doyle, Howard, Burroughs, Robert Jordan, Tolkien, several biographies, bunch of Scifi novels. The two books by Dr. Hawking. The list of what I want to read has grown.

New stuff. That might be mislabeled, IDK, please let me know.

So at the suggestion of a friend, I went to a different church. Outside of that friend and all of you reading this... its a secret. Not like the church my wife attend(ed/s) and that I am rejoining. *prayers on that front* Didn't feel right. I suppose my expectations about what constitutes a "proper" worship service has been set by my W. Not sure if I can or even how to share that with her.

"W, I was so wrong about falling away from the church. You were right. I am sorry you feel we need to be where we are for me to learn that. Please forgive me."

How does that sound? Boy does that feel nice to write that. It would be better to say it to her. With humility and honesty. Book learning is easier for me than some hands on. Current job though... get both in buckets.

Speaking of jobs. One of you was kind enough to ask about the offer pointed out by my D. There would be a slight pay cut. would have to quit the steady one now. If I didn't get picked up from the internship I would be searching for a new job at 56 years old. I know, Harlan Sanders had a spotty work record and didn't hit it big until he was 65 or so. Not sure I can rock the white suit or mustache...

So the roller coaster is not at the bottom right now. So I hope this peak lasts a little longer. It seems the drop and recovery are steeper. I think I would rather ride the "Vomit Comet" than this.