I have not been very successful at GAL. I had been trying to be patient with myself but I think my time has come to start pushing more. I've been so very tired, emotions are just sucking the life out of me. That plus the winter weather. So during the weekdays I've found I can get through okay but then the endlessly long weekend comes and I'm mostly just by myself making-up errands to run.
I need to start going to an exercise class. I hate that. It goes against everything that I enjoy. But it's good for my emotional health, and if I don't have a scheduled class I know I won't exercise. I need the commitment.
I've been searching and searching for a local Italian language class option, but nothing so far. That's something I'd REALLY want to do, but the number of local speakers is pretty slim. If nothing else I could see if I can find a local tutor who could help me, but I was hoping to make it more social.
The past few days I've done more reading on MLC. It's helpful. I don't know if I could ever stand for W, which makes me incredibly sad. I love her so very much. Yes, I may have put her on a pedestal. But I had high standards and this woman is exceptional (although not right now). But I'm 34, and the idea of not having another life partner is not something I can do to myself. So I need to ultimately move on and heal. This starts with GAL and trying to accept that she may very well never come back, and I may never have closure. OR, I could be on a wild rollercoaster ride for years to come.
There was a personality type that I read about on this forum and I can't put my finger on where I read it. It was something to do with being a largely unmotivated person. That's me. I'm one of those people that's pretty smart, but no real ambition. I have a good job and I do a good job. I'm well liked and supported in my job. But there isn't any upward mobility. This is something I have been thinking about for the past few years. I don't have a huge ambition, and I don't have kids. What does that leave my life to be? What do I build, what do I accomplish? Where is my impact in the world?
The good news was I unexpectedly went out last night with the fam. I was at home after making myself a delicious and healthy dinner (seriously - I had a roasted acorn squash with chicken, bleu cheese, and apples roasted inside. So good). I had missed a text from future SIL that she and my bro and mom were going out for a beer and food - would I join? I quickly inhaled my delicious dinner and swapped out my pjs and raced to the bar. We had a bunch of laughs, it was fun. My family really has been so supportive in just making sure I have regular invites to hang out.
Today I clean the house. Then going to the movie theater for the Met Opera stream. Then perhaps I will go to the library at the college I work at so I can get some more Salesforce training under my belt. That's something that's both fun for me and a real potential career path. I should be focusing more of my time on that.
Just food for thought. Are there a lot of Spanish speakers in your area? I was once friends with a polyglot from Spain that told me if you know Spanish picking up Italian is super easy. I understand it's a roundabout way, but if Italian isn't an option in your area this can still help you move in the right direction.
So it sounds like with your job, you don't necessarily want to leave it, but you have plateaued. Have you considered a side hustle? A hobby, interest, or skill set you could monetize? I have a job I love, with lots of flexibility, but due to my location I have no real upward mobility or or opportunity for a large salary increase. So I started a side business earlier this year based off of my main career. Building this side business is going to be a great challenge and I am excited about meeting it head on. Maybe this is something you need, some extra motivation.
Lastly, as far as exercise goes have you looked into yoga? I find it great for the mind and body.
Last edited by Twofeet; 12/01/1804:32 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Just food for thought. Are there a lot of Spanish speakers in your area? I was once friends with a polyglot from Spain that told me if you know Spanish picking up Italian is super easy. I understand it's a roundabout way, but if Italian isn't an option in your area this can still help you move in the right direction.
Hmmm, I don't know? not a lot of Spanish speakers, but more than Italian. My reason for Italian is that I'm at a sort of early Intermediate level. I'm wanting to become fluent, so I'm at the point where memorizing vocab or verbs isn't as much help, I need live interactions to practice. But choosing a different language and starting from scratch does sound fun!
Originally Posted by Twofeet
So it sounds like with your job, you don't necessarily want to leave it, but you have plateaued. Have you considered a side hustle? A hobby, interest, or skill set you could monetize? I have a job I love, with lots of flexibility, but due to my location I have no real upward mobility or or opportunity for a large salary increase. So I started a side business earlier this year based off of my main career. Building this side business is going to be a great challenge and I am excited about meeting it head on. Maybe this is something you need, some extra motivation.
Agreed. I do need to do this. It has been in the back of my mind, but with all this free time I agree now is a great time to dive in.
Originally Posted by Twofeet
Lastly, as far as exercise goes have you looked into yoga? I find it great for the mind and body.
Just saw it! It was excellent. I didn't realize it was the English version, so I was surprised but still enjoyed it very much. Had no idea this was a holiday special that was recorded in 2006, so I was a bit shocked to see James Levine.
It was their first simulcast ever, I think. Just excellent all around. Next up is La Traviata but unfortunately without Sonya Yoncheva and without the cool modern staging from a couple years ago. Otherwise I’d invite you to NYC.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
You found a new family here, everyone here gives great advice.
Take all tge advice.
Well I am also a lesbian, I also remember coming here feeling like I was the only one, Guess what all MCL are all the same. You would think they all came together.
I must say you sound a lot like me. And your W is my W... The only thing we have 3 beautiful kids we adopted. Which now that I think about it It was me I push for the family. W was more socially and going out to bars. I am more of a homebody. Love to cook and cozy up to watch movies W was the total opposite of me.
But we did balance each other.
I am more of the Yes W. W wanted something and as long I said yes W was happy. W also ran. W couldn't run any faster.
My bd was also crazy... out of nowhere
Feb 2017 W throws me big birthday party. Announces how much W loves me. March 2017 let's adopt a baby. Our baby is getting big April 2017 I am unhappy I most myself being a mom and wife May 2017 told kids and two days later left with only clothes and took all the money cleaned me out financially. By June 2017 W took OW to family reunion, W family texting what is going on.
And since that W never looked back. W completely changed physically Got older looks tired gained weight. You would think W left she would be happy.
Nope .... at first yes the first yr W was going to gym,tanning Losing weight changed hair color... now she looks horrible I even question how was I attracted to W.
I guess them running away and partying with younger people don't help.
OW is 26 or 27 Total opposite of me.
But my focus is kids and me. I have no one here I am not from here I moved for W Almost 11yrs later here I am. I lost W and also W family. My kids lost Mom and family too.
Not sure what W has told them but they have not contacted us. I my Therapist said not to contact them because my MLC is a monster one.
W has her days...
So remember Yail is not your fault. Nothing you could have done Your W is gone so for now let her go. Is easier said than done but One day at a time.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Marina, I'm so sorry to hear your story. It is so similar to mine. Today I have been back and forth in the "Is this WAW or MLC or something else?" Mostly because if it is WW or WAW I feel like it's more my fault. If it is MLC I feel like it's not my fault. It's so very horrible either way.
I feel the same way you do - one day W is professing how very much she loves me. We just got married in September 17. And then a few months pass, and we come into some difficulties between us. But they are the difficulties that a married couple should face together. After only a few failed conversations W just stonewalled me and stopped communicating. Then her friend got sick and died. Then W started with OW. I don't know if she is still with OW. BTW, OW is straight! So that won't last. I don't think she's in the closet, I think she's one of those straight women that loves being showered with attention from lesbians. You know what I mean. They think they're somehow being edgy and cool and fluid, but really they're just playing around and not interested in a lifetime commitment. I think OW may also be in a crisis. Whatever.
I don't know anything really - she moved out of state and for the past many weeks we've barely spoken. She just wants this to be quick and painless.
My W is not (yet) becoming a monster. Right now she's very sheepish, but her feelings changed very fast to all of a sudden be at a "I'm done, I'm moved out". Who knows what will happen next. But with her moving out of state, it feels more "final" and I'm just so very very sad. I thought we had a fantastic relationship.
A lot of people here talk about the dynamics between a husband and wife. Most of it can be applied to our situations of course. But I do think there is something different about a lesbian marriage - we had to really fight to advocate for our relationship in ways that straight relationships just don't. So I do think our bond can be more intense (or we just assume it is unbreakable), because we know it has to be "us against the world". Straight relationships are accepted without a second thought. We were always analyzed.
Thank you for reaching out and identifying yourself as a lesbian. It is a comfort to know someone else understands, although I wish you didn't have to.
Well we also had little fights here and there but usually before bed we made up. I was more of the jack of all traits. Until 2015 I was diagnosed with MS I almost died had a grand mal seizure and was in como. I will say I had a spiritual awakening I realized Life is beautiful. I gave W more attention I became everything I wasn't More In love with W more in love with Life. But now I can see W pulling from me But also kids.
So I also wonder is it something I caused but in reality I think we don't deserve What our MLC do to us here. The way they do it is horrible. If I seen it coming I would be ok But literally it came out of no where so Yeil there wasn't nothing you could have changed I blamed myself alot. I did a lot of What if.. What if...
I realized it doesn't Matter. This was already going to happen.
W and I where never legally married. We had domestic partnership but here where I am at they Don't look at that as legally so example spousal support I don't get.
As my lawyer said is it worth it. Do I really want W money. Nope. I just want to be happy
Your W ran... just like mines did. They can't look at us in the eyes because of the guilt.
Till this day W found her soulmate. I was just a lust for W. W said at bd, I got what everyone wanted. Oh yeah my W is horrible Makes me wonder is she really in MLC or a narcissist.
But again I don't entertain W. I am business it took me over A year but now is all about business nothing more.
Once they see us pull away they try to bait us in Don't fall for it.
Remember stay strong in front of W behind close doors cry Your eyes out in front of W stay strong and chin high.
I say this if is meant to be they come back.
But now I question do I want W back. Kids and I are happy. Yes we miss her but the old W. Not this person
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
[quote=Marina7]But now I question do I want W back. Kids and I are happy. Yes we miss her but the old W. Not this person[/marina7]
I am so glad to hear you and your kids are happy. That is the most important thing of all.
Your second part about missing the old W but not the current person rings true for me too. I very much miss the woman I fell in love with. I do not miss the silent, private, angry person who decided an A was the best escape from her problems. Unless she is able to bury that person I don't know how we could ever be back together.
