I would contact your wife, closer to Christmas, and advise her that your child is asking to see her at Christmas. Put the ball in her court and give her the option of saying yes or no. You will know what to do when you get a response from her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good advice. Thank you. It is hard to invite her after how she is been treating me, but this is about the kids. I do not want her to think it is pursuing though.
If you advise her that the child is asking about the visit, then it is not pursuing. Why? Because the request is not for you to have her share the day. It is about Christmas and what your child would like to have in the way of a visit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No, I do not see this as cake eating. You are giving her an option. It's up to her and if she says no, then so be it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you. Another option is to just hold off. If she wants to be with her kids she can reach out. She wants a divorce, this is what divorce is like. I do not want to be punitive as I will accept if she asks to join.
Journaling: it is so painful to be in a house with in laws that sit idle while their daughter destroys a blended family. I know they need to support their daughter. I spent the better part of my day with the kids packing up photos and them not even knowing why I am doing it. Zero remorse from my wife, zero emotion. I have to bear that emotion and lie to my kids until the divorce is final. It hurts knowing she never even wanted to try. I am so sad for my eldest, who will learn that their stepmom does not want to be with their dad anymore.
So sorry for your pain- I know first hand how painful this process is especially around Christmas-
The crises is usually the reason for the MLCer is running from us- it was not you or the M- it is her crises- so they are shut down and that is why you see no emotion or remorse they live in denial and fantasy and they seem to run with it as long as possible till they crash-
From my experience, the kids will adjust quickly and with less pain as they see us OK and accepting our new situation. I practiced GAL and mostly pretending around my kids- It definitely helped for an easier transition-
AS difficult as it is to let go, listen to U tube about letting go Joel Olsteen, Les Brown, Inky Johnson, Tony Robbins, Joyce Meyers, Abraham Hicks- and positive speakers also helped me keep some peace during the painful transition
hang in
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you, peacetoday. I know I can survive; I just feel for what is coming for my eldest, who have been through divorce just 5 years ago. This is an unnecessary pain they have to endure.
I know- D seems to be the new normal although not so easy, the kids adjust and many of their friends parents are D so its common these days- The more I practiced being ok and available for them to talk-the better things got here-
Today they are both doing very well-I mean extremely well adjusted for young adults- dad left at ages 5 and 11
practice being OK around him- listen to him and spend time together with sports or what activities he likes
speak only good words about the MLCer and when it appropriate I always have said DAD Loves them
he is just in crises and sometimes people get sick-mentally or physically(not their fault) Yes it hurts when people get sick or leave-part of life also- I reassured them I am here forever until the end-and even then I will love them and watch over them forever
to this day they still believe that DAD loves them--they know-he is just sick and unless he gets better they cant see him- they don't question it--they know it is not them-but him-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
