13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Journalling:

So, a couple of days has passed and yea, journaling for advice and because its therapy for me.

So basically, thursday I had a late day at work so I wasn't home before 22 o'clock in the evening. WW had gone to bed, so that was nice. I knew that she was going out friday, and she wouldn't be coming home until late today (saturday).

So friday morning came, and I woke up at 4.30 and made myself ready (i wanted to go to the gym before work, since I got am in charge of the kids for the coming 7 days (we got it split 7/7, even though it is inhouse seperation till the house sells). The entire house was sleeping when I left, and I was glad I didn't have to speak to WW since i was a bit emotionally worked up by the fact that she was going to OM.

I came home after work, and she had just packed her bag, and left the entire house in a complete mess. A month ago, I would have called or texted and told her how it was unreasonable for the kids to come home to that, but im over it. I just said whatever to myself, and I cleaned the house before I went to pick the kids up at the daycare. I then took them to town to ride the christmas train, and have a good afternoon. I tugged them in at bedtime and I called it an early night myself. (She didn't even call to say goodnight to the kids).

So saturday (today), I woke up early. WW texted me at 05.19 in the morning saying that the kids needed calendar gifts and where they were (yea wtf: 1. its my time with the kids. 2. its 05.19 in the morning. 3. i can take care of the kids and the gifts were already in their stockings, i was pissed, but didn't reply to her). Me and a mutual friend of me and WW had set up a playdate early today, and we were going to go christmas shopping with her daughter and my kids, and I was looking forward to a fun day. She texted me, that she was on her way at 7.30, and I went to the shower. I told my D4 to open the door for them if they came while I was still in the shower. While in the shower, I notice the sensor lights going off in the driveway (could see through the bathroom window), and I figured it must be them. So I finish up, and am baffled to see, that WW is sitting in the couch with the kids at 8.00 in the morning (she wasn't supposed to be home before 15.00 at the earliest).

I just said hello, and didn't engage in conversation. She then asked what we were doing today, if we had plans and so on. I said, we have plans, but didn't say more. Then 15 minutes later, our mutual friend entered. I greeted her, and took the kids into the livingroom, apparently WW stalled our friend in the hall. I could hear she was crying.

We had a coffee, the kids played for half an hour, and WW was really intrusive and wanted to be part of the playdate, I then said "Well we should be going since we have a lot we need done today", WW wanted to know what that was, but I just said we got plans, and I could tell she wanted to go, but abso fknlutely not. So we left, went to a café and had a brunch, shopped and visited some friends with the kids, we had a great day. Our friend told me, that apparently WW had held on to her in the hall when she gave her a hug, and then just begun to cry. She is full on with the OM, and nothing is wrong apparently, but she was really sad and had said that december was really tough with all that was going on, and that she was really sad that she had been missing the kids opening calendar gifts, and missing time with them in general, which is COMPLETELY new for her. Whenever OM engages her, me and the kids are just like air for her, its scary how she changes. I couldn't help but feel little happy, that she at least felt some remorse, and that she was hurting just little bit.

This morning she brought home bread, and made some for the kids, and asked if I wanted some, I refused (it was most likely the leftovers from hers and OMs breakfast, wtf...).

So tonight, im in the MBR, journaling, watching a good movie (John Wick 2), and she is in the living room texting OM (yea she instantly shut down text messages when I go through the room to get a drink or something else), and I don't want to (and am learning from the advice I was given, to not spend time with her at all), it feels akward as hell to sit here and avoid her, but its for the best. I need the space, and she needs to understand that the cake-eating fiesta has come to a full stop.