Thanks Neff - I have now googled pull-push dynamics and whilst I do not think either my H or I are being overly affectionate with one another (push) I get your observation. I will try not to swing between one and the other (offering to spend time with them and then pulling back). It is hard. I have always read the temperature in the room and adjust my behavior accordingly. In the months pre BD and until about 3 months ago, this meant adjusting my behavior to what was least likely to set him off. Now, it sometimes means doing what will get a rise out of him - I am coming to netball. I am not coming to netball etc. It is all game playing and I need to watch out for it.
DV (that seems to be the accepted shortening here) - I am so glad I found you (well, obvs. not under these circumstances). I want to see you get stronger and realise the wonderful person you are. You have helped countless people here.
I decided against going to his mums. Didn't get invited tbh but am still feeling pretty rotten from Thursday nights antics and would not have been good company for anyone. In fact, when we got back from netball I said that I was going to lay down for an hour as I had a headache. It is his day to have them, so I figured I could do that. I told him to get the Christmas decorations out and that I would help. When I got up the decs were out, but I couldn't muster the energy to put them out so said I would do it with the girls tomorrow afternoon (when I have them). He seemed OK with this but did not invite me to his mums. They stayed for about four hours and eventually I said "hun, don't you have to go". I know I shouldn't have called him "hun" but it just came out (weakness) and I wasn't kicking him out - it was just that they were going to be late. There was no thought in it whatsoever. Well, they got up to go, I helped the kids get ready, waved them goodbye, told my H to have a nice time, and then shut the door.
So, am home watching Netflix and reading threads on the forums. I am OK. Not pining for my family and not trying to fill the void of them not being here.
There were a couple of weird moments today. Some passive-aggressive controlling comments, some strangely "couply" moments and then just sitting on the sofa watching cartoons with the girls and scrolling on his phone (FB and news from what I could tell and the odd text). Nope - I wasn't snooping. He showed some posts to D12 and he was on WhatsApp when I walked past. Where he has always been super secretive about his phone (it never left his side) he know leaves it face up on the side.
and whilst I do not think either my H or I are being overly affectionate with one another (push) I get your observation. I will try not to swing between one and the other (offering to spend time with them and then pulling back). It is hard. I have always read the temperature in the room and adjust my behavior accordingly. In the months pre BD and until about 3 months ago, this meant adjusting my behavior to what was least likely to set him off. Now, it sometimes means doing what will get a rise out of him - I am coming to netball. I am not coming to netball etc. It is all game playing and I need to watch out for it. 