#1 Informs me the time and date of MILs memorial service, and asks if I can take care of flowers and a few photos. #2. 'In case you were curious, I was in a lot of pain';, followed by info on Dr. Appointments. #3 'Pain has lessened but still substantial. In a sling';
I didn't respond .... I didn't take the bait. Said nothing about his injury or pain. I realized that if he wants to live alone, he can deal with his pain alone.
Brilliant. The "In case you were curious, I was in a lot of pain" would have really wound me up. You left me you bloody child, you don't get to emotionally blackmail me into giving a toss about your having your arm in a sling.
Not my duck, not my bottle (or as they say here ... leave him to his monkeys).
Originally Posted by Grace21
Still not detaching enough, though, as I continue to look at phone records occasionally, and find nothing. Periodically look at facebook, too. Why, I have no idea. Am I trying to catch him doing something? If I did, it wouldn't change my circumstances one bit. It doesn't do anything for me, except keep me a bit stuck in being too interested in H. Besides, I know from history that he's good at hiding what he wants to hide anyway, so makes my activities even more useless. I also know that's not detachment. That is my goal this week. Stop checking up on H
This is something I never really did .. well a few times straight after BD when everyone, including his mum, was convinced he was having an A. Didn't help one bit. Like your H, mine would be able to hide it pretty well so it was fruitless. And each time I found something that might be evidence it was never really enough to prove anything ... and it just sent my head spinning. Not worth it in the end. I now don't even think about it. He is more curious about my life than I am about his. But, that doesn't prove anything either. He still has alerts whenever our old house goes on the market and he instantly wants to take a look at the photos to see what 'they've done with it'. He is just a snooping kind of guy. Wish I'd known when we were together - it explains why he was always so controlling/jealous. I just never saw it.
You sound like you're doing great. I would say stop every now and then and think about your reasons. Sometimes we get caught up in the momentum of walking what we think are our paths, that we forget that we are the ones making the path. There is no pre-defined destination. Take it one day at a time and, each day ask yourself, what your goal is, and if this step takes you further away or closer to your goal. Don't ask yourself "what should I do now" but "what feels right for me to do now".
