Today is the beginning of Month 3. I’ve only had some text message exchanges with H about business. MILs burial and memorial service, for example. Still not detaching enough, though, as I continue to look at phone records occasionally, and find nothing. Periodically look at facebook, too. Why, I have no idea. Am I trying to catch him doing something? If I did, it wouldn’t change my circumstances one bit. It doesn’t do anything for me, except keep me a bit stuck in being too interested in H. Besides, I know from history that he's good at hiding what he wants to hide anyway, so makes my activities even more useless. I also know that’s not detachment. That is my goal this week. Stop checking up on H.
I haven’t asked once about Hs injury. I’m taking him off our joint gym membership. He can’t work out anyway, and lives too far to use it. I also informed H that I think we should get separate Christmas gifts this year for the kids. I’m done doing all the work. Those two acts make me feel like S ultimately will be more than temporary, but also is a good step toward further detachment, I think. I’ve also told a few more people this week that H and I are separated. It almost feels good to get it out in the open. It’s amazing what people will tell you about their own M when you open up a bit about your own. Makes me realize every M has issues and is vulnerable.
Looking forward to having the kids for a whole month. I'll pick them up next weekend. We already have some plans for things to do together. I will let H contact them or not, make arrangements to see them, or not. I just don’t want him to come over and hang out with them here for any length of time. To me that’s cake-eating and I’m really trying to avoid that.
Started my day with a great boot-camp. Football this afternoon while I take care of chores, than Christmas party tonight with my woman’s group from the church. All in all a good day lined up.
