I have not been very successful at GAL. I had been trying to be patient with myself but I think my time has come to start pushing more. I've been so very tired, emotions are just sucking the life out of me. That plus the winter weather. So during the weekdays I've found I can get through okay but then the endlessly long weekend comes and I'm mostly just by myself making-up errands to run.
I need to start going to an exercise class. I hate that. It goes against everything that I enjoy. But it's good for my emotional health, and if I don't have a scheduled class I know I won't exercise. I need the commitment.
I've been searching and searching for a local Italian language class option, but nothing so far. That's something I'd REALLY want to do, but the number of local speakers is pretty slim. If nothing else I could see if I can find a local tutor who could help me, but I was hoping to make it more social.
The past few days I've done more reading on MLC. It's helpful. I don't know if I could ever stand for W, which makes me incredibly sad. I love her so very much. Yes, I may have put her on a pedestal. But I had high standards and this woman is exceptional (although not right now). But I'm 34, and the idea of not having another life partner is not something I can do to myself. So I need to ultimately move on and heal. This starts with GAL and trying to accept that she may very well never come back, and I may never have closure. OR, I could be on a wild rollercoaster ride for years to come.
There was a personality type that I read about on this forum and I can't put my finger on where I read it. It was something to do with being a largely unmotivated person. That's me. I'm one of those people that's pretty smart, but no real ambition. I have a good job and I do a good job. I'm well liked and supported in my job. But there isn't any upward mobility. This is something I have been thinking about for the past few years. I don't have a huge ambition, and I don't have kids. What does that leave my life to be? What do I build, what do I accomplish? Where is my impact in the world?
The good news was I unexpectedly went out last night with the fam. I was at home after making myself a delicious and healthy dinner (seriously - I had a roasted acorn squash with chicken, bleu cheese, and apples roasted inside. So good). I had missed a text from future SIL that she and my bro and mom were going out for a beer and food - would I join? I quickly inhaled my delicious dinner and swapped out my pjs and raced to the bar. We had a bunch of laughs, it was fun. My family really has been so supportive in just making sure I have regular invites to hang out.
Today I clean the house. Then going to the movie theater for the Met Opera stream. Then perhaps I will go to the library at the college I work at so I can get some more Salesforce training under my belt. That's something that's both fun for me and a real potential career path. I should be focusing more of my time on that.
