Introduction

[TJT]

Okay so I went out and GALed tonight. Went to dinner with a neighbor. Was excited because I'd been craving the food for the restaurant we went to for like a week.

Long story short there's a waiter there that I would see when me and H would go to this restaurant all the time. I've been a few times without H since everything has happened - once completely alone for lunch, and then this time with my neighbor. This waiter recognizes me every time and is always super nice.

Tonight he mentioned how he hadn't seen me in a while. I acknowledged it but kind of left it at that. But then he came by again when he dropped the checks and said something about how he hasn't seen us, and then I just showed him my hand without the ring like, yeah, it's because we're not together.

That then spiraled into this guy telling me how about 6-8 months ago his W split from him too out of the blue! And how you think something is so good and then all of a sudden it's not. He told me did work a lot but she also wanted a lot from him, so it was a double-edged sword . Apparently they have two children together. He told me how he went into a depression for a while, etc. I could totally see the upset in his eyes and as he was talking to me. I told him it wasn't his fault, and he told me I'd be okay after I briefly told him what happened with me and H, and he said things happen for a reason and all that same stuff everyone tells you..

And then in the middle of it he was like "I have to get back to work!" and he scurried off. But then I had this crazy moment where I told myself you know what... I want to give this guy my number. I asked my neighbor if I should and she was convinced he was flirting with me so much that if I didn't write my number down, she would do it for me!

So I wrote my number on the receipt with a note that just said "if you want to talk". At the end of the day I'm not sure if it was good idea or if I read the guy right but ultimately either nothing will happen or maybe we will become friends or maybe more (although with two children from a past marriage I feel that would be a huge barrier, given the difficulty it was for me with H and his son...but people are different and you never know I suppose).

The important thing to me is that I did it. I put myself out there, I had a little bit of a "spark" in me that became interested in this guy, and I got the feeling that he was a good man who cared about his relationships... and I'm not sure if either of us would be ready for something, but again...even as friends or whatever, it might be good to make a connection. And I didn't feel guilty about what would H think or whatever. I was and am still nervous as hell regarding what I would do if this guy were to actually contact me...but I am open to it. I think it was progress of some sort. I am proud of myself even if nothing comes of it!

Of course, I confessed to my mom because I was proud (and had a few drinks..) and she focused on the fact that he was a waiter and how I need to get more confidence and set the bar higher. I told her I don't associate the worth of a person with their job and she said she doesn't either but in all reality, she totally does, and even said I need to go for someone "richer". Eff that, I've seen plenty of rich douchebags and I am all about the person, but I do understand her hesitation given the sitch with my H and his inconsistency in jobs, etc.

For me, I am always going to know that I can provide for myself. Do I want and value another person to elevate that and do even more amazing things and appreciate that? 100%. But if I meet someone that's amazing and cares for me and meets all the other features I know is needed in a good relationship, and who doesn't mind that I have my own thing going on because they are secure in themselves and appreciate that about me, I don't give a crap if he's a janitor. May he be the most motivated and passionate janitor on earth!!

So yeah I hope you all are proud of my GAL!!