Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

Sandi, thank you for spending some time on my sitch. I've been absent the past couple of days as I've been trying to figure out some things and thinking about what boundaries I can start with.

My wife claims to have cut off all communication with the OM. She has been going to IC with a Christian therapist and has become much more open and transparent with me. She seems willing to start working on the marriage, and has been doing and saying many of the things I've been waiting for. We have are going to MC tomorrow morning and she has told me that she will truthfully answer any questions that I have about her affair, but wants to do it during our session tomorrow. I've been hesitant to ask questions and we haven't really talked much about the affair since the first couple days after D-day. The reason is I'm still having major trust issues and told her I didn't want to ask any more questions till I knew she was ready to be honest with me. At that time, she was still protecting the OM. I told her that I can't take any more lies, omissions or spinning of the facts. She claims she is now ready to do that. My problem is I'm not sure I can believe anything she says. In fact, I know that I shouldn't until she proves herself. I have a list of questions about 1.5 pages long that i've been compiling as I think things over. Some probably don't really matter, but others I just have to know. So, do I move forward and ask the questions? Do I wait till we are further down the road?

As for some boundaries, one that I've settled on is that I will not share my wife with any other man. Not as friends, text buddies, lovers, anything... I know that some might say that forbidding her to have male friends is too controlling, but she obviously has an issue with enforcing her own boundaries or she wouldn't of ended up in bed with the OM. So not having male friends/buddies/pals is something she will have to live with, if she wants to stay with me. Is that going too far? I feel like that is what I need from her (at least right now) to make me feel safe. Also, she claims she isn't communicating with the OM, but if i were to discover she was talking/texting/emailing him while telling me she isn't, that would be a deal breaker that I couldn't get past. What's the best way to verbalize that to her?

I'm realizing that I've done a poor job of setting boundaries my whole life.