Ok, so I'm going to ask a question that is going to come across as my being a HUGE smart a$$ and I SWEAR to you that is not how I mean it, but I'm curious because my best friend and I have this discussion ALL the time. You say you asked her out, but then you say you just said basically, let's have a drink sometime...nothing set in stone. In my opinion (and we all know everyone has an opinion and mine may very well differ from most everyone else's), that is not asking someone out or having a date, even though she did respond that she was in (paraphrasing, of course). My best friend tells me all the time he "has a date" then when I ask when and where they are going, I get some vague response about how he just asked some chick to go try out a restaurant "sometime". Maybe I'm old fashioned or just plain old, but if you don't directly offer up at least a specific time, is it really a date? It might help to know that I'm NOT a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person. I like a schedule and I'm sure that is at least part of why I don't understand this train of thought. LOL
Don't get me wrong, I promise I'm not trying to be a smart aleck....just trying to understand the thinking. It would help me better converse with my best friend if someone I don't have an emotional attachment to could explain it to me because obviously it is not as unusual as I thought.
I'm glad for you, by the way and hope that the "normal" feeling continues. Good luck!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Correct D....there is no date planned and nothing set in stone so technically nothing really happened outside of me confirming that she is onboard with the idea. I am sure she will bring it up as we continue to talk over the next couple of days as I told her to let me know once she got settled. IMO the ball is now in her court to let me know. If she would have come back and said "I am open on Mon or Tues" then I would have locked one of those days in and told her the place and time. The reason why I even brought it up was to let her know what my intentions are and those intentions are not to never meet up and not continue this "chatting" relationship. I want to meet, see if there is a connection and get to rejection as quickly as possible (her end or mine) so I can move on to the next.
Good for you.......this one for me was Bumble also and my activity has picked up as well. I am getting 3 to 4 swipes daily. Tis the season!!!!
This one is blonde (of course) but she is 5'10ish which is normally not what I go for (G you would be proud). What attracted me to her was in every picture I saw of her it looks like she is having the time of her life and is just full of energy. I don't think I saw one picture of her where she was not holding a drink. Being blonde also certainly helped..........
From a woman's perspective..... I don't want a guy to half-arsed ask me out. "I would like to grab a drink with you, which day works best for you, I am open, Mon and Tuesday" would be the optimal way of asking someone out. You only asked her out halfway. The ball is NOT in her court now! Ask a woman out fully! The ball is in her court when you says "I am open so-and so day, what works for you" Why are you waiting for her to lock a day? It's like you asked her out and expect her to pay for the date, you know what I mean? I know it's been a while since you have really been out in the dating world. But even today, us women still enjoy a man who can ask us out properly. Are these dating coaches telling you to suggest a drink then wait for her to choose a date without even being asked when works for her?
And LH, you have a very heavy number of dates here! How have they been? Does anyone make it farther than the first date? How is the quality of these dates? I am curious on how much quality the quanitity produces
G- You never tell a girl what your availability is. You always put the ball in her court first so she can tell you what days she is free first. Once we coordinate the day then I will suggest the time and place.
I just mentioned it this way to this girl because I had brought up meeting for a drink last Sunday. It had not come up all week so I still wanted her to know those are my intentions. I was also aware that she had been out of town all week for work and needed to probably figure out what her schedule is for next week.
I also didn't ask her out, "Oh your princess would you like to get a drink with me if I am worthy". Heck know I just assume that is what she wants and is the sole reason we are talking. "Lets grab a cocktail...when are you free?" Not sure....ok well check your schedule and let me know.
Thank you, G! That was my point, I just didn't make it very well. Like I said, my best friend and I have this conversation all the time because he gets so excited and tells me he has a date, when really what he has done is temp checked the woman to see if it is ok to ask her out. I tell him all the time be direct and be specific.....just like you said. I want a man to be direct and say hey, I would love to go grab a drink and I'm available this day and that day. Which one of those works for you? If I'm interested, I'll pick one or suggest an alternative if neither of the given days works for me. If I'm not interested, I would likely say something along the lines of let me get back to you. I also like when a man suggests a specific place, regardless of whether we are eating or getting a drink or whatever. I'm not saying I'm helpless and can't make my own decisions, but I like when a man asks and has a plan in mind. I don't like playing that "where do you want to go, I don't care where do you want to go?" game.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
G- You never tell a girl what your availability is. You always put the ball in her court first so she can tell you what days she is free first. Once we coordinate the day then I will suggest the time and place.
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Oh man, J...... Who in God's name says you never tell a woman what your availability is and put the ball in her court?? A MAN????
You think asking her out properly is akin to treating her like some spoiled princess????
When you brought up a drink last week, did you ask her what days or availability?
Too much assuming going on here.
I don't know where you are getting these tips from, J, but you have two women, who aren't spoiled princesses telling you from a woman's perspective we would a man to ask us out properly. You aren't asking another dude out. You are asking a woman out you would potentially like to date. A man acting like a man and treating a woman good is not the sign of a woman being some sort of spoiled princess.
