Finding the Balance then Tipping the Scale (TWO)

[Adam04]

You asked whether I could take her back and love her again and I just won't know until we get to a point where we have to make a decision. She has a long way to go with therapy and I have repressed any of the questions that I need answered about the A, OM etc and have no interest pursuing them right now. I am continuing to do my thing and am encouraging W to get out again and see her "friends". The only thing that matters is that I will be a better person after this is over whether its R or D and my kids will as well. It is very hard to get to this point and I am over the anger that I had for my WW. We know that we will always love each other but in a different way just because of our time together but we are just not sure if there will ever be a new relationship

Thank you for your support lost8. It's good to see you are recognizing she still has a long way to go and more accepting of that opposed to the tone you last had About knowing your "feelings" and being done. I know my feelings will change with the highs and lows. Some days I will feel strong and as if nothing can move me and then others for reasons unknown it can all come crashing down. Being new to this "amusement park" in time I'll figure out which rollercoaster ride is and isn't for me. I'm sorting through my feelings and processing things still.

This morning driving in to work I thought about life and this sitch, trying to rationalize things, saying inthe first stage of not knowing a lot of mistakes can be made and neglect from not knowing, then stage 2 of awareness is when we wake up and start to try new things, thinking this is where I am at. When I first learned about the DR book I sometimes regret telling my wife based on what the book told me that I want to work on the MR. Maybe at stage 3, when I'm prepared, I can deal with the consequences of my actions better but it will be a while. I don't know , seems like a lot of overthinking. I'm trying to be cautious that I don't just run with things while learning how to deal and handle things. Working on self control.


Edit. Forgot to copy something trivial on the home pc last night in case she pastes... I hope she isn't as good at snooping as she is at hiding. /chuckle.